Author: Midnight Demon

A day of pain

I was up most of the night because of a damn headache that continued all day. I decided not to go to lab. I am failing it anyways. One day isn’t going to hurt me. I sent in my lab report and I was thinking about it all night. I thought about resubmitting it but I don’t know if that is allowed.

I had some coffee and I need to go to the grocery store for more half and half. I am almost out. I didn’t go out today. I would have but one of my meds came earlier than expected and I don’t have enough money for it. I was expecting it next week.

I got a message from my psychiatrist back and I swear he is useless. He wants me to go to my pcp for sleep study. That isn’t the fucking problem. He makes me so mad. My neuro got back to me. She wants to start me on a steroid pack to try and break this cycle. She hasn’t responded to my response.

I have been trying to see my baby sister for the past week and it has been difficult because I have class and she has a social life. Last weekend was her anniversary so she went away for a few days. And we live in the same house. I have seen the bitchy sister more than her.

I got to read tonight. I don’t know if I am going to re-read chap 2 or start chap 6. I have my first exam on Monday. I am nervous about it because it covers three chapters. Tomorrow is going to snow/rain in the evening so coming home from class is going to be fun. I hope I feel better tomorrow. Right now I feel so shitty. I shaved my head so that made me feel a little better. I just feel like I am in a fog.

President’s Day 2026

I slept late again as I was up every couple of hours peeing despite not drinking anything. I had a rough time with getting myself presentable for therapy. I just wanted to sleep all day. I talked about how things were going and she spent a little too long on it. Then she asked about how I felt last week and I told her I was depressed and I didn’t know where the grief was coming from. My head felt weird the whole time we were talking. I told her I felt a little out of it last night with my sister and she thinks I dissociated for a little bit.

I had a cup of coffee and a scone my sister made. I also had some yogurt. My stomach was still bothering me though I don’t know why. I just know I ended up sleeping for a few hours when I got back to my room. I was just so tired. I wrote a message to my psychiatrist telling him I had no ATP (energy) left in me and I don’t know if I am producing it anymore. My head hurt so much. I also told him that my brain feels weird.

Around 6, I decided to finally do my lab report. The hardest part was getting the pics in the file. The follow up part was difficult. I had a hard time trying to undo the highlight. I couldn’t figure it out no matter what I did. So I just left it highlighted. I created my dye and drew it and then took a pic of it to add to the file. Now I got to do pre lab for tomorrow.

I hope I wake up before 11 am tomorrow. I need to leave around noon to get to lab. I don’t know how my legs are going to be. I feel so sluggish. Last night I had a hard time trying to fall asleep. I kept thinking of doing something school related but couldn’t bring myself to do it. It took me like three hours to read chapter 2. If I had to re-read it, I would be up all night.

I have been drinking fluids and it doesn’t seem to make a difference in how I feel. I just go to the bathroom more. I am so tired of being tired. My psychiatrist called in my Ativan but the pharmacy has processed it yet. I got to call tomorrow. I am running low. I did take off the recycling off my bed. Tomorrow is supposed to rain. Great. I hope it isn’t a downpour.

Some goals done today

I slept really late today. I had spent the morning going to the bathroom every two fucking hours despite not drinking anything. I was really grumpy and wanted coffee. I wasn’t hungry. I figured today would be a fast day.

After I had my coffee I brushed my teeth and shaved. There were clean clothes in the kitchen that my sister washed so after I was done, I took a shower. My niece had come by and she wanted to help me with my school work but I wasn’t up to it. I am still not up to it. I have another fucking headache.

I haven’t done my meds for the week yet. Things are just moving slow today. I think I am feeling the effects of the Latuda being low. I feel out of sorts. My sister came in my room and told me I need to do something and I had no idea what she wanted me to do or how to do it. I keep spacing off.

Tomorrow is a holiday so I won’t be able to get in touch with my neuro. I am going to send a message anyway just in case she checks it. I got to do the lab report tonight and I don’t know if I am going to get it done because I got another fucking headache. This one is on the left side of my head. I might go to bed early. I just want to sleep.