Author: Midnight Demon

Saturday Blog 14062025

I slept ok during the night but I woke up still feeling tired. I didn’t get up till around noon. I had a couple cups of coffee and something to eat. I was still feeling tired. I laid down to rest but didn’t sleep. My sister made beef stroganoff but it was mostly just mushrooms which I don’t like. The beef was tough. I didn’t like it much.

I wanted to cut my hair today but I never got around to it. I need to shower and am having a hard time doing it. I never got around to it last night as I went to bed around 8. Today was rainy. Seems every weekend there is clouds and rain. Sucks.

My mood is somewhat better than it has been. I think the ketamine takes a few days to work for me. I haven’t felt suicidal in the past couple of days since being home from the hospital. I still been feeling sort of hopeless though. I haven’t done anything today. I just don’t feel good. My side has been hurting me and I don’t know if it muscle or my gallbladder. My teeth also hurt today. I hope that doesn’t mean I will be getting a migraine. I’ve been taking Robaxin today as my chest muscles have been hurting me lately.

Tomorrow my friend is taking me out for dinner. I think it will be nice to see her and her kids again. So I need to shower before then. I will try tonight, maybe before the game. I wanted to listen to the game last night but I fell asleep. They won and the Yankees lost. HAHA. I love it when they lose. I just hope I can be awake.

Crazy thing about Friday

I don’t get the hype about Fridays. Maybe it is because I always worked the weekend. I went to my groups today. It was fine until the last one. The last one was complete chaos and I wanted to leave as it was giving me such anxiety. The counselor gave an exercise about different things and everyone started talking at once. It was nuts. I didn’t like it at all. I got a call from their psychiatrist. I told her that I didn’t need anything. Nothing got changed while I was in the hospital. I made it so I can see my psychiatrist Tues. I need to get my blood drawn. I am hoping to get it done in the morning and then be home by the appt. I should be. I might go to the library to get the Finlay Donovan book. I still haven’t had a chance to get it yet.

I was starving after the last group as I didn’t have breakfast. I had a turkey sandwich and then some cookies and a protein bar. I had it with a cup of coffee. I had three cups today. And I am still tired. It was cooler today but I didn’t go out. I think tomorrow I will. I want to go to Starbucks for a drink. And I still need to buy some sandwich bread.

I’ve been feeling ok today. I think the ketamine needed a few days to work. I am not suicidal and I am not depressed or hopeless. I feel pretty good. I just wish I had some energy so I could maybe clear off my bed and change my sheets. It’s always such a huge task for me. I still have to shower. I think I am going to do that before bed tonight.

Wicked hot day

Today reached 86 degrees F. The puppy was so hot she hasn’t been eating and has stayed mostly under my niece’s bed. I finally was able to turn on my AC. I went grocery shopping and bought a few things. I forgot to buy bread and tuna fish. But I got turkey breast and some sub rolls for it. I bought bacon but I don’t have bread to make a sandwich.

I got a confusing email this morning as it said that my intake for tomorrow morning was canceled and I was placed on a wait list. Then around the time my cousin came to pick me up for grocery shopping, I got a call and confirmed the appt for tomorrow morning and it is virtual. I am glad. I still don’t have appts for my therapist. I do have an appt for my psychiatrist on Tues. I hope that I can keep it.

I managed to brush my teeth and trim my beard. I wanted to shave my head but I lost energy after shopping. I need to shower. What was weird is that while I was in the hospital, I didn’t get back spasms and worn out like I do at home. I don’t know why. There was a shower chair in the shower so I could sit to wash up. Maybe that is what I need to do at home after washing my hair. I bought a good body wash that I really like. It smells so good. I finally was able to cut my nails last night when I came home. That was the first thing I did when I was in my room.aWw

I had a good sleep but after like 330am I kept waking up to pee despite not drinking anything. I don’t know why I don’t seem to pee during the damn day. Aggravates me. I got up around 8 when my med alarm went off. I took my meds. I was slow to do things though because I didn’t have half and half to make my coffee. There was flavored creamer but I don’t like it because it leaves an aftertaste. I just had one cup of coffee before my room got to nearly 80 degrees. After grocery shopping, I moved some things so I could access my AC. I had to tuck the curtain in multiple times as it kept falling.

I did my SAP thing today. I hope this means I will get financial aid for the fall. I have been so anxious about this for months. I hope I find out soon. The anxiety is killing me.