Author: Midnight Demon

Discharged

I got home today. I was not happy when I walked in my room as the packages I ordered were thrown on my bed and my ceiling fan was turned off. Tomorrow I will tackle straightening it out. I need to move some stuff so I can get to my window to access the AC. It’s 81 degrees today but with the fan it is cool as it isn’t muggy.

I woke up with a damn alarm going off on the unit. I had got up around 330 to pee and had a difficult time getting back to sleep. I was dozing in the day room around six so went back to bed and slept until that damn alarm went off. Scared the shit out of me. When I had team they said they wanted to keep me another day because partial hospital wasn’t set up. But it got set up around 4 and I was discharged shortly afterwards. I was grateful because I missed my puppy so much. She was eating dinner when I went downstairs and she came right to me and didn’t go back to her food. Then she started chasing her tail. It was so funny.

I am feeling really tired. I had wanted to shower but I never got a chance. I will tomorrow. I need to shave. I know I will get up early as I have the past few days. I have since being in the hospital. Today things were late but I am so glad I am home.

My second treatment didn’t go well. I was more suicidal and depressed. I slept early and then woke up with a wicked headache.

I talked with the psychologist and we both agreed that ketamine is not for me. We also talked about the stress of being home. She wants me to talk more in my therapy about it. My therapist hasn’t responded to any of my texts. I’ll try her again today.

The study staff finally left a charger for the fitbit. It died yesterday morning. It charged while I was recovering from ketamine. It was a lot to handle. They gave me extra Valium and that just knocked me out. I had a good nurse last night.

I’m thinking of writing an email to my therapist about the stuff the psychologist and I talked about. The psychologist also said that I am angry and shut down when I feel it. She also thinks it is fueling the suicidal thoughts.

I got an email from UMB about financial aid. I got to do the SAP thing again so I am hopeful I will get aid next year. I will do that tomorrow when I get home.

There was nothing to do today. I spent all morning in bed and some parts of the afternoon. I feel really depressed. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I’m kind of nervous about it. I don’t know if i will be offered another ketamine treatment.

I played my game but I wasn’t really interested in it. I have been feeling tired most of the day. I am not going to take the new med. It is making me too groggy. It does help with sleep though. My weird dreams are less weird.

Today was such a long day. Seemed like time was crawling. I did my laundry. I didn’t fold it. I’ll probably do that if I can’t sleep.