Author: Midnight Demon

I had a hard time getting out of bed today. I didn’t go to partial. I needed to rest. I had a couple cups of coffee and then I took a shower. I was tired afterwards. I tried to nap but my damn phone kept going off. Then my DMH worker called and that was it for trying to nap. I had a good talk.

The puppy was clingy to me today. She is so cute. Her father lifted her up and when she saw me, did a flip to see me. It was so funny. Then a sock got her interest and I was old news lol.

I’ve been feeling depressed most of the day. I haven’t thought about suicide since I came home from the hospital. I’ve had no urges or intent. I just wish I had some energy or motivation. I haven’t left the house today as I just feel so shitty. I was going to take the puppy for a walk but my niece did. Twice. It is still muggy and I hate it. Next few days are going to be wicked hot. Might be a heat wave if the temps stay high enough.

Tiring Tuesday 17062025

I am a part of a study and they have been sending surveys really late so I have been going to bed late. I had a hard time getting up this morning. I wanted to get my blood work done early but that didn’t happen. I had it done after my psychiatrist appt. We discussed ketamine and both agreed it isn’t for me as an outpatient. We also talked about the hospitalization. It was a good meeting overall.

I got dressed after the appt and I am glad I checked the bus schedule as I still had a half hour before the next bus. I waited on my porch. It was a nice but humid day. My allergies this morning were terrible. I have my AC on right now. It took a long time for me to get to the bus stop because I kept getting out of breath. I had to stop every few blocks. The fitbit measured my heart rate to be 160. It went down while I rested but never dropped below 102. It took me a long time while I was out because I kept having to stop. My legs felt like jelly. I really need to go out more. If it doesn’t rain tomorrow, I will try to walk around the block. There was some light drizzle on the way home. It didn’t help the humidity.

I am wicked tired. I don’t think I will be up late doing surveys tonight. I had to remove the do not disturb and sleep mode on my phone because I didn’t know they were coming in at a late hour. Each survey is $1. I have about three weeks left in the study.

I need to shower as I am all stinky from sweating today. I will do it tomorrow. I don’t think my legs will forgive me if I try to take one tonight. My back is already cramping for whatever reason. It also has been hurting me lately. I don’t have the pain all the time, just when I try to move when laying down and it is like a belt around my waist in my lower back. I think I seriously need to invest in a new mattress. I just wish they weren’t so damn expensive.

Father’s day 2025

I had a pretty good day today. I had my favorite foods and the weather was nice. I spent some time with my family and then I went out to dinner with my friend and her kids. My aunt called during my dinner. I let it go to voicemail. It was funny because I wanted to call her yesterday but it was too late. I am glad she called me.

It’s weird, I was just thinking about my mother and calling my niece to see how she was. I miss her so much. She has been on my mind most of the day. I know today is Father’s day but I have just thought about my father in passing.

I was up during the night. I had slept for a little bit and then woke up around midnight. I couldn’t get back to sleep till after 3. I read a book. I also played my game because I had a timed part that I wanted to complete but I couldn’t. I am doing the same thing today and I don’t think I am going to finish it.

I didn’t pay attention to the ballgame today. But we won and that is the important thing. The snakes lost, which is also good. I am so tired. I haven’t taken my meds yet. I will in about a half hour. I am so full from dinner. I hope I don’t get heartburn during the night. I hate that.