Author: Midnight Demon

A car alarm went off sometime while I was sleeping. It woke me up and I swear I wanted a bazooka to blow the car up. It went off for a solid five minutes or more. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I finally gave up around four. I read my textbook. I am so freaked out because there were easily more than 50 terms throughout the chapter. It listed every single structure of the brain, including the blood vessels. That is a whole lot of information to take in. What sucks is that at the end of the chapter, there are no review questions. I think you need to go on the book’s website. I then went to sleep, trying to remember stuff I read. I had taken my meds as it was nearly 6am. I didn’t get up till my antibiotics alarm went off.

I made pancakes and then got a huge fucking headache. I messaged my neuro about it as nearly every day I am getting either a headache or a migraine. The new migraine med isn’t effective. She is going to start me on topamax. I rested for a bit. Not sure if I slept. I took some ibuprofen and tylenol. I feel like I’ve been living off of ibuprofen for two weeks now. Luckily, it isn’t bothering my stomach. I do try to make sure I have eaten before taking it.

I still got a slight headache. I don’t think I’ll be listening to the game tonight. My chest has been flared up for most of the day. I haven’t been taking the muscle relaxant for it. I have been taking so many meds the past two weeks that I am getting fed up. I think I’ve taken nearly all my PRNs during this time. It’s been difficult and taking these antibiotics around the clock has really stressed me out. I got one more day of this bullshit.

I got a letter from my internet provider saying my password has been changed. If I didn’t change it, it said to call the number. I checked my account and sure enough I couldn’t log on. I changed the password and then called the number. I got transferred to the fraud dept where the idiot told me to disregard the letter as I changed my password. Such a waste of time.

Just a day of pain

I was dreaming something when my med alarm to remind to take my antibiotic went off. I took it and had to use the bathroom so did. The dream was still on my mind when I fell back asleep. I kept dreaming I had to go to the lab and each time I got close, something made the journey longer, either a closed elevator or someone started talking to me. I was walking all over the hospital and felt like I was going in circles. Then I came home for lunch as it was just a few blocks to my house (reality, the hospital is 5 miles away from me). I made something to eat and ate my glasses. My mother needed something so I gave it to her then realized I switched something so had to redo it. Then I went back to the hospital. Such a weird dream.

Luckily, I didn’t wake up with a migraine. I was just wicked tired. I forced myself to get up after the last alarm went off for the antibiotic again. I took my meds and then made some coffee. I didn’t eat anything. My head was starting to hurt. My tooth also was hurting so I took some ibuprofen. I feel like I have been living off them the past two weeks. I had an appointment with the social worker today. It went well. By then the headache and tooth had calmed down. I made a pot pie for lunch. I also showered and shaved before the appointment. I made another cup of coffee while waiting for the pot pie to heat up. It was good. I think the smaller pies have more chicken in them than the larger ones.

As I was eating, my tooth flared up because of the hot food. I need to get these teeth out so I won’t be in pain. I am stressing out over my finances for next week. I have to get my suit and groceries. I don’t know if I can do both. I also have a meal thing that I ordered and it is too late to cancel it. I was quoted one price but the app is telling me a different one. No matter as I don’t have the funds right now anyway. Not sure if my check will be deposited tomorrow or Monday. I got a text message from my pharmacy saying my meds were ready. This is why I hate autorefills. I don’t get paid till next week and one script I need to call about because they refilled the wrong one. I canceled the order but I don’t know if I can order the right one.

I am tired despite sleeping through most of the night. It kept on being interrupted at 9 when my med alarm kept going off. Today is a high pollen count and my sinuses are killing me. I sneezed quite a few times this morning. I keep having to clear my throat, which is now irritated. It’s cool out and not humid. It has been in the high 60s most of the week. I will take it. I haven’t run my AC all week, which is nice.

I have two days of antibiotics left. I hate having to take it multiple times a day. It sucks. I am busy next week so I won’t be able to contact the dental surgeon for my teeth. I don’t know when I will get around to it. Maybe next month when my finances look a little better. I wish I could have a part-time job. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about money and be broke after two weeks.

Not feeling well

Past four days I have been having palpitations and extreme fatigue, more than just my normal amount. I just came back from doing some errands and I am wicked tired. I was only out for about an hour and walked around a bit. The grocery store I went to was fucking bigger than I thought it was. I got some chicken wings for lunch. It was fantastic. The last three pieces were spicy and I loved it. I wish I could make wings like that but I suck at things like this. Every time I try making them with BBQ sauce, the sauce doesn’t stay on the wings.

I am waiting for a callback from my pcp’s office about the palpitations. I was having some chest pain while waiting for the cab home. I hope I don’t have to go to the ED again. I got a wicked migraine last night that refused to go away. I had to take my two migraine meds and some Excedrin to force it away. Then I woke up from a very strange dream where I was in the process of being hospitalized because I overdosed again. I had a psychiatrist yell at me and then went to the café to have food and a beer. It was just wicked strange.

I called the therapy place and was told it could be a month or two before being seen by someone. This is much better than waiting till Dec!! I am kind of relieved. I still have the consult next week and I meet with the social worker that works with my pcp this week. I am kind of nervous meeting with him because I didn’t go to partial like I told him. My insurance doesn’t cover virtual visits anymore, which sucks.

I went to look for a suit for my niece’s wedding coming up and I couldn’t find one my size. Everything was either too big or too tight. I don’t know why everything was fucking slim, like don’t you know bigger sized people need suits too?? Fuck. Now I got to go to the store north of Boston, which means my sister needs to take me as I don’t have a car. I have no idea how I am going to afford it. Prices were like 200 bucks for a suit. I won’t be able to make my month Amazon purchase this month. I also need to cut back on my grocery expenses. Ugh, I am worrying about my finances. I get paid next week so need to figure things out. I also need to have money so I can get my teeth removed.

Last night my cousin called me. She wants me to visit so I called my other cousin and we are going to go on Monday. I have such a busy week next week. Sunday is my niece’s shower. Mon cousin. Tues Ball game, Thurs DMH case worker. Wed consultant. Sat is my cousin’s birthday. I don’t know if we are doing anything for her yet. I haven’t heard anything. Mon is also the anniversary of when I overdosed two years ago. I still remember how psychotic I was and I am still struggling with all of that.

I am so pissed my MP2 Player on my phone does work anymore. Stupid task manager keeps shutting it off and I don’t know the setting to make it stop. I had to use the Samsung music app, which is ok but I don’t have my playlists made and it would be a pain to remake them all.

The nurse from my pcp’s office called me. She reassured me I am not having cardiac issues, though if the palpitations continue, I might go on like a two week monitor again. She did encourage me to use Ativan for these episodes. Only problem is that I just got my refill and I am running low right now. I didn’t realize I was using so much.

I am listening to Taylor’s album Lover because she has been singing a song I am not familiar with at her concerts in London. I love that she has donated money to food banks around England that really helped some for the year and more. She is so generous. I hate the hate she is getting because she is a billionaire now and some people have called her “greedy”. She earned every cent she made. She is such a wonderful person. I love her always and forever.