wicked bad terrible day

Wicked bad terrible day

So I woke up feeling fine. No damn headache. I thought it was going to be a good day. Then I went and had coffee. I had to fill up the water reservoir as it was empty. Then I figured I might as well fill the water jug. I still need to change the filter on it. I will do that tomorrow or this weekend. Sounds started to bother me and I started to panic. My tooth has been bothering me the last few days. It was cold in the kitchen as someone had opened the door. I kept it open in case the weather changed. Yesterday it was cold in the morning but got warm by the afternoon.

After I had my two cups of coffee I went to my room and there was someone using a leaf blower and my head just exploded. So much for a headache free day. Hello day 9 of headache land. I messaged my neuro again and said if I didn’t hear back from her by tomorrow, I would go to the ED. Well, she messaged me back with there is nothing she could do as I have allergies. She wanted to know how much gabapentin I was taking so I responded and I haven’t heard back so I guess I am going to go the Ed tomorrow. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t go on like this. So after I got this message I felt defeated so decided to lay down for a bit. The people from therapy called. They wanted to set me up with someone but the time they gave me is the time I have class. I can’t meet. So I am back on the waiting list. Today just sucks and I wish I never woke up. Fucking fuck.

My headache is an 8 out of 10. I just want to lay down. I did study some. I took some notes. I went over the basal ganglia and the limbic system. Then I went over the synaptic transport thing and got confused as fuck. I will ask questions about it tomorrow. We kind of stopped there yesterday. It’s where calcium ions tell neurotransmitters to fire or not. I have to go over the steps.

I have a breakout of zits on my neck. It is so damn itchy. I also have a few on the top of my shoulder. I keep wanting to put some benzoil peroxide on it but I have to take my shirt off as it can stain it but it’s too cold in my room.

I honestly am just going to try and read the library book tonight. If I read a few chapters, I should be able to finish the book by the weekend. I don’t have that much more to read. The chapters aren’t long and I can usually read like three in forty-five minutes or so. It is getting really interesting. I think there are more books in the series. I hope so anyway. It is really good writing. Oh, speaking of writing. My aunt called me yesterday while I was on my way to class. She got my book and loved it, said it was well written. She read it straight through. It made my day! I was so happy. I was kind of nervous because I spoke the truth about how my mother treated me and was worried that now that she died, it was going to be hard to hear with family members. I am glad it wasn’t the case. I am also glad they didn’t want to talk about my suicide attempt that happened two years ago. I often think about it, especially as this time of year, I was in the hospital trying to remember what the hell happened. I was still catatonic and thinking I was a dead person. Strange how being taken off your meds can change your thinking.

blue powerade

Blue Powerade

I woke up with another damn migraine today. It is day 7. I messaged my neuro. I still haven’t heard back yet. I have a feeling I am not going to hear back today. I took some Excedrin but it hasn’t done nothing. I’ve been trying to do school work but all I want to do is rest my head. I ordered Chinese food because I couldn’t be bothered to make something. I had a blueberry muffin and coffee for breakfast. I had two cups of coffee.

I haven’t done much today. I shaved and brushed my teeth. It took an effort to shave because my head hurt so bad. I couldn’t postpone it another day because my hair was getting long. I need to shower today but I don’t think I am. I am struggling to stay awake. I managed to do some school work but I still haven’t read my textbook. I need to go over the structures and where they are in the brain. I need to study them. It’s an open notebook exam, which kind of helps but if I don’t know the structures, I am screwed.

I kept on having weird dreams last night. Every time I woke up from them, I had a damn headache. I would go to the ED but I can’t afford to miss class right now with the exam being so close. I have been drinking blue Powerade all day to try and keep up with fluids. I am thinking of having pumpkin pie ice cream but my stomach feels really full right now so I don’t know if I should eat anything else.

I am so tired of my head hurting me. I also just feel so sleepy. I didn’t sleep through the night. I woke up around 1am because I had to pee. And then had a hard time getting back to sleep. I read for a little bit. Then managed to get back to sleep only to have weird dream with headaches. I should have stayed up. My head would probably hurt less. It was still hurting but not as much. I have class tomorrow. I feel like I am forgetting something to do but I have done the things that were due. I just need to read. But I can’t concentrate with this level of headache and being tired. Maybe later.

slept in late

Slept in late

I completed all my school work last night. I got a 10/10 on the quiz, though it took me a few tries. I had such a headache last night. Nothing was working. The ibuprofen didn’t even touch it. I was so tired. I really didn’t have anything to do today. I slept till 430pm. I still woke up with a headache. This makes day 6 in a row that I have had a migraine or a headache. I got up and had something to eat and then had a cup of coffee with a muffin. My sister made some soup but it wasn’t ready yet. My brother in law brought up her hutch. She moved some stuff in it. I have no idea what it is in it. She said some baking stuff is in it. And she moved the Tupperware stuff to another cabinet.

I feel so tired and depressed. I have been feeling like I don’t want to be around anymore. I don’t feel suicidal. I just don’t want to exist. I just feel so down. The headaches are becoming so chronic. Hopefully one of my doctors gets back to me tomorrow. I have a busy next couple of weeks with school. I need to study for my exam and this depression is making every thing harder than it should be. I seriously thought about going to the ED last night but what were they going to do other than just give me meds and fluids?

I put my sound machine on last night to help me sleep. It helps. I am still fricken tired despite sleeping all night. My head hurts so much. Nothing works anymore. I am so frustrated. I am going to bed.