Author: Midnight Demon

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression and chronic pain that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

Brain dead today

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

My appt with DMH was canceled because the worker’s computer wouldn’t work. I’m still waiting to be rescheduled.

There is a snowstorm on the way so I don’t think we’ll have class tomorrow. I’ve been trying to hit the books but my brain won’t cooperate.

Therapy was good. She said she sees I am making changes in my life regarding depression. She wanted me out of my head more but I couldn’t get there. It was a struggle trying to talk all session.

I’m tired even though I slept good last night. I only had one cup of coffee so far. Think I’ll make another cup to see if I can get some neurons to work. I got a headache after lunch and my brain is just fried. Got too many worries going on.

Write about your dream home. #WPDP

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging

Write about your dream home.

It would be all one level, no stairs. A master bedroom with shower and bathroom. A library with comfy chairs and soft lights and a fireplace. Kitchen with an island and two ovens/stoves. Also, I will have a few bedrooms for my nieces and nephew. And another bathroom with a walk-in shower. A living room with a TV for sports. A walk-in pantry. Lots of closet space. Another room dedicated to my writing. Washer/dryer and a dishwasher.

Greatest ballpark

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging
Fenway Park, year unknown

this class sucks

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

This class sucks

I spent the afternoon going over my Anthro stuff and it is killing me. This is I think one of the “you need a teacher’s perspective” in order to pass the class. I tried answering a few of the questions and omg it was painstaking. I still, even after re-reading the articles, couldn’t answer the questions. I am done. No one has posted their answers and it doesn’t look like a discussion has opened to add answers either. I read one of the discussion questions about exams for this class and it is going to be a combo of multiple choice, true/false, and short essay questions.  I am screwed.

I have been having mid back spasms the last couple of hours. I tried laying down and moving but nothing has helped. I don’t want to take an Ativan as that will make me sleepy. I will be taking my meds soon so maybe I will take it with it.

I had my neuro appointment today and she is pleased my headaches have improved. She said that it might take a couple of doses to work. I took my fourth dose today. I got the script after the appointment.

I was up during the night again. I read for a while. It took a while to get back to sleep. Then when my alarm went off, I didn’t want to get up. I managed a shower after my neuro appointment. I shaved and trimmed my beard. I am glad no one was home because I didn’t bring a change of clothes down. I just wrapped the towel around me and went up to my room.

I am feeling depressed. It is that time of day where I feel it most. I don’t know if it is because it is night time or what. The good news is that I haven’t been suicidal. I will take the depression. I am kind of stressed out over class. This has to be the worse class I have taken and it is my first online class.