Author: Midnight Demon

Feeling sick and depressed

I had a difficult night sleeping. The usual of weird dreams and headaches. I woke up a little before my med alarm. I got up when it went off. I took my meds and then went downstairs to use the bathroom and make a cup of coffee. I was running low on half and half and I wasn’t sure how many cups I could make. I made one and drank it in the kitchen. I am out of my Belvita cookies. I wasn’t in the mood to make something so I just had the coffee. I then went up to my room. I booted up my laptop and decided I needed another cup of coffee for therapy. I still had time before my appointment. I brought the cup up with me. I drank it as I waited for my therapist to log on.

The first thing we talked about was how pissed I was at her. She clarified that the break was outside of therapy, not in therapy, which made me feel a little better. We spent most of the session talking about things I could do that were not suicide related stuff. It is hard because I have worked with suicide research for so long. I really don’t mind it and it doesn’t overwhelm me.

I was feeling ok enough to venture out to the grocery store. I knew it was going to tire me out though but I had money for a cab if I felt like I couldn’t make it back to the bus stop when I was done. Walking there after I got off the bus stop was hard. I felt my chest getting tight and by the time I reached the store I was wheezing again. I felt short of breath. I quickly got the items I needed. I wanted a big thing of peanut butter but it was too expensive. I’ll get it when I place my monthly grocery order. I just got a small jar that was nearly a quarter of the big jar and cost like half. It is ridiculous how they have these prices for things. I sat outside after I paid and called for a cab. I was congested and wheezy but not too bad. I made it up the stairs and I started coughing from the congestion. I put the pizza in the oven and waited. I got hungry. I started eating chips and then decided to make a sandwich. The pizza was ready but it was too hot to eat. I finished the sandwich and then had a few slices of pizza before I felt full.

I felt tired so went up to my room. I tried to nap and I snoozed for a bit until my sister called and the ringtone scared the shit out of me. It was so fucking loud. I had a headache and I didn’t want to move or get up. I don’t feel too well. I am still tired and headachy. I keep on sneezing and my nose is congested. I think I might have a cold or the beginning of one. I have no fever but I don’t know if this is allergies because my eyes keep tearing as well. I just feel run down. I know part of it is because I am not sleeping well. I am not really napping during the day but I tend to go to bed early if I don’t lie down. Last night I tried to stay up as long as I could so I wouldn’t be up at 0100 and I still woke up at that fucking hour. I know I read for a bit but I don’t remember what I read. I just did a covid test and I am negative. I will retest if I feel poorly in a day or two.

I have so much to do tomorrow. The water meter guy is supposed to come to change out the meter. I have to let him in. I have my T shot. I need to pick up the new migraine med. Then I am to help my sister make dinner for my sister. It is my middle sister’s birthday tomorrow. I also have a webinar to go to. A busy day and I hope I get some decent sleep without headaches throughout the night.

A cuppa and vegetables

I had a stinky night sleeping, or lack there of. I woke up around 1 and then again at 3 with a splitting headache. I was up before my med alarm and I contemplated sending a message to my therapist to cancel. She beat me to it. She had to cancel for today. I will see her tomorrow at the same time.

I got up and made a cold cut sandwich with my first cup of coffee. Then I had a second cup and wanted to go to the grocery store to pick up some half and half and maybe a frozen pizza but I wasn’t sure I could walk that far again. I thought about possibly taking a cab home once I got there. I might do this tomorrow. I went back to my room but then had to go to the bathroom so I went back downstairs. I then decided to make the zucchini. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of iced tea. After I ate, I cut up the zucchini and then put in a pan to roast for an hour. I stayed in the kitchen and I wanted a cup of tea so I made it. I have been eating since I got up. I had half the zucchini when it was done. It was so good. I will have the second bowl when I go back down when I have to use the bathroom again.

I brought the tea up to my room and am listening to Speak Now TV. My 1989TV hasn’t come yet. I have been emailing them but they just said it could be on its way. I think it is lost and they don’t want to send me what I bought. I have been nice but now it has been three fucking weeks since I paid and I don’t have it so I am pissed. I am going to wait till Wed and then send a nasty email that if they don’t resend it, I want a refund.

My sister’s birthday is this week. I talked with my baby sister and we are going to make dinner for her. I am in charge of potatoes. The water meter guy is supposed to come that day to change the meter. I have to wake up early for it. I hope they come when they say and not later.

I just got a text from my pharmacy. They will be asking my neuro for an alternative med for my new migraine med as they can’t fill it. I called another pharmacy and they don’t have the med in stock either. I sent my neuro a message asking what to do. Looks like I will continue to be getting headaches the longer this goes on.

I haven’t brushed my teeth yet and I need to shave. My sister said that it looks like I have a bowl on my head so I am going to try and trim the sides a bit. If I fuck up, I will wait a week and see my barber. The sides are a bit too low for me anyways. I like it high and tight. My hair grows so damn fast.