making phone calls and being on hold

Making phone calls and being on hold

I got my new SIM card for my phones and put them in. Unfortunately, I am unable to install the new voicemail feature and it said to call a number. I did and was put on hold. I also called my service provider to take a line off my account and was put on hold. Catheter company called just as therapy was ending so when I returned the call I was on hold. Doesn’t anyone get this lucky when making phone calls? I wouldn’t mind but the catheter company had piano music that was so depressing. I could only bear it for so long and then I hung up to call again. Finally got through to someone at my cell provider and turns out all I needed to do was update the app. I was with the tech for just a minute after spending 20 on hold.

Today is my nephew’s birthday so we celebrated out in my backyard. I lasted a couple of hours before the heat got to me. I am so tired and because I was sitting, my ankle/foot is flared up. Going to be a while before it settles down before I am able to sleep. Veins are popping on my foot which isn’t a good sign. CRPS swells up really good. The Suicidal area on my ankle has flared up a few notches. My sister had me go downstairs to check on my mother. I wish I didn’t because now the pain is agony. Foot and ankle are screaming at me. And just like that I am in a suicidal spiral. The pain is causing me to feel so damn hopeless and I am trying to “ignore” it. I am trying to say it will pass and then I will be “fine”. But in this moment I wish I was dead. I just took my BT meds with Tylenol. Hopefully in an hour I will be feeling better.

I am listening to a song by Taylor Swift on repeat. I don’t know what it is about this song but I absolutely love it so much. The melody of the song just draws me in. As many times as I have heard this song I still do not know it word for word, yet. I am getting there with each repeat.

when morning pain is too much

When morning pain is too much

Early this morning I got a wicked bad cramp in my CRPS foot. I couldn’t do nothing but bear it. I couldn’t move it or anything. I knew it wasn’t because I was dehydrated because I was drinking fluids when I was up at 1 am. I drank half a bottle of Gatorade. My foot is still severely sore so I had to take a couple of BT meds. I wanted to go grocery shopping today but that isn’t happening.

I ended up going to PT last night. She worked on my calf muscle which she said had a A+ knot in it. I am to roll a tennis ball underneath it to try and work it out. She said I might need dry needling to get it out but I would be limping out of the office as it is painful. She was just working on it with her hands and it was fucking hurting so bad so I know the needling would be worse. She told me that I could use a book on the bed and roll it. That is an awesome idea because I have a foam topper and the ball would just sink in and not move. My calf is still sore from the massaging she did. I walked up the hill to my house and it hurt so bad last night coming home. My breathing is going to take time to get better, she said. It is the last thing to get better. But I should continue to walk up the hill. I won’t be walking today because of my foot.

I made an appointment with my therapist for the end of the month. I figured if I have an appointment, I wouldn’t stray too much away from therapy. I see my pcp next week, in person. I am going to see if he can order fasting labs for me as it has been a while since I have had them done. I just sent them a message to find out if I should contact uro because I am still experiencing pain in my urethra despite not cathing. I don’t want to take the pyridium tabs because they cause me to retain more as I don’t get the urge to go. Today is the last day I am on antibiotics for this UTI. I haven’t cathed the whole time I was on because the urge was there for me to go. I also haven’t been on a schedule because I seem to be able to go every 3-4 hours on my own.

I am listening to Taylor Swift’s Speak Now album. I love this album so much. I wanted to listen to Fearless and I might later. Or maybe I will mix the albums and create a playlist. I don’t know. I just need to hear good music that puts me in a good mood without causing me to think about things.

I am getting tired. I was up in the middle of the night again and didn’t go back to sleep until around 4am. I woke up around 0730 to pee and I have been up since. I might need a second cup of coffee soon. I want to work on my 2nd memoir today. If I can write at least 300 words that would be good. I don’t really know where this book is going. I have written only around 500 words so far. It has been a slow start because it is so personal.

My legs are killing me so I really think despite taking BT meds, it isn’t enough for me to go grocery shopping by bus. It will be too much for me and I don’t want to hurt more than I already do. Today would be a perfect day for it because the weather is perfect. It has cooled off considerably and is a nice sunny day. The wind makes it cool but other than that it is a really beautiful day.

Love Story vs Don’t You

Love story vs don’t you

As you may know by now, I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Her latest album, Fearless (Taylor’s version) has been playing since I have been able to download it to my phone. There are two songs I absolutely love. One is Love Story and the other is Don’t You. I am having a hard time deciding which to put on repeat because I want them both on my top 25 playlist. Right now the numbers are below 50 for Love Story and over 50 for Don’t You. (The numbers are how many times it has been played as recorded by my MP3 app.) I have been thinking of making a playlist with just those two songs so that I can listen to them back to back. I might just do that. Don’t You has been really talking to me, but not in a psychotic way. I just can really relate to this song so much. Taylor’s new music has been really good and there have been songs I can finally relate to. I feel like that her new music has been grown up as she is older now. My other dilemma with her music is that I follow her lyric bots for the album folklore and when a lyric plays and I don’t know the song, I want to listen to the album to know what the song is. It is driving me crazy not knowing.

It is almost 2am. I woke up an hour ago because of pain. And I had to pee as it has been six hours. I was able to void without cathing so I am happy about that. I am not happy I have a uti. My culture came back positive for bacteria. I haven’t heard from the NP yet if she is going to treat it or not. I have been feeling yucky the past two weeks since the cramping started. I have had busy back to back days and am really tired but cannot seem to sleep. I want to change my sheets but it will be a hassle as I have stuff on my bed again. I got Amazon packages surrounding my bed. I just have to take two downstairs to put on my porch. It is my new coffee that I love from Starbucks called Spring Day. It is limited so I bought a bunch while I had the money.

I was able to wake up early this morning to get my first vaccine shot. It took less than twenty minutes and I was early. I had to stay a little longer than the usual 15 minute observation period because I had an anaphylaxis reaction to ginger. Ginger is not in the vaccine but they wanted to be cautious because I had this reaction. The only reaction I am having right now is a sore arm and a headache which Tylenol helped very much. I had to ask my doctor if taking Tylenol on a daily basis is good. He said as long as I don’t go over the 2000 mg dose a day I am ok.

feeling weak and tired

Feeling weak and tired

I haven’t been eating much the past few days and yesterday I didn’t drink enough fluids like I should. I am feeling weak and tired today. I ordered my groceries as I needed half and half. I weighed myself this morning and I am down another 10lbs. My clothes are starting to become baggy on me. I need to take a shower today. I don’t know if I will have the energy for it. I am feeling kind of rotten. I just ordered a caramel macchiato because I feel crappy and need caffeine. I don’t have half and half so I can’t make my coffee. I need the treat anyways.

I had a bowl of cereal today. I got a text while eating to sign up for the vaccine so I did that. I will be going Wed to get the vaccine in Boston. It should be easy to get to as I just have to take the bus and train there. Right now it looks like it is going to rain on Wed. I hate traveling in the rain. But it will be worth going out for this vaccine.

I have therapy tomorrow and I don’t feel like going. I just want to stay in bed. I am in my kitchen as I am waiting for my Starbucks. It should be here soon. I am glad I can get a delivery. It is worth the cost for every now and then. Not every day though. It would be too expensive. I am only having it today because I need caffeine.

I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I don’t think I will go today though. I am too tired and weak. I haven’t left the house since I got diagnosed with Covid. I know part of the reason I am so weak is because I haven’t done any exercises or walked since being quarantined.

I am back in my room because I am cold. My sister had the door to the porch open and then tells me I should contact the doctor because I am cold. Sure and maybe if you close the door it wouldn’t be so damn cold in the kitchen either. She has been driving me fucking crazy. I seriously have been thinking of moving out as a friend has been wanting me to live with her for some time now. She has a room for me and it would be less lonely for her to have someone live with her.

I am listening to Taylor’s Fearless album (her version). It is one of my favorite albums. I haven’t stopped listening to the album since I was finally able to download it to my phone. I had four shots espresso with my drink and I am ready to nap. WTF. I hate that sometimes caffeine has the opposite effect on me. The song fearless has me dancing in my seat. I love this song so much. I am calling the new song Mr. Perfectly Fine as the new number one.