Category: depression

Some good news, sort of

I haven’t been sleeping well because my damn toothache has been keeping me up most of the night. I saw the dentist this afternoon and he was so nice and explained everything. He said that the baby teeth I have and the one on the left next to it needs to be extracted. The rest are just fillings. I don’t need a damn root canal like the other place said I did. I don’t know how much the extractions are going to cost as he referred me to a dentist outside of the office that kind of knocks you out, which is what I want. I got to call on Monday to find out the cost and see when I can get it done.

I didn’t have coffee this morning because I didn’t want to be in pain. I had a cold brew at Starbucks after my appointment and something to eat which set off the pain again. The dentist said to try and eat more on the left side than right as I have an exposed nerve that is causing the problem. It is all referred pain as there is nothing wrong with the top teeth. It is all coming from the bottom. I went to the butcher’s shop to pick up some burgers so I can have something decent to eat. I am kind of tired so I don’t know if I will make them tonight or not.

Mood wise, I feel really sad. I had a dream about my mother last night. I was kind of catastrophizing in the dream and I just wanted her to sit by me. She was in the other room watching TV. I miss her so much. There was some kind of safety knowing she was home and now that she isn’t here anymore, it is a little unsettling. I keep on feeling ok to being sad and depressed. I am not suicidal, which to me is really weird. I have fleeting thoughts of not wanting to be around anymore but they don’t go anywhere. They don’t hang around like they used to.

I am tired. Not sleeping at night is making the day time hours so horrible and because I can’t drink coffee like I used to, it sucks. The dentist put me on some antibiotics so I hope that helps. I managed to shower today and trim my beard some. I still need to shave my head. I don’t know if I will do it today. I don’t know what my problem is lately as all I want to do is lay down. I don’t want to do anything. I hardly leave the house for anything. My blood counts are good so it isn’t anemia. I know I don’t feel well the past few days but damn. I don’t get up in the morning anymore. I get up past 12 and if I don’t have a plan for the day, I am in bed, only leaving to use the bathroom and eat something. I have no energy. I really have to push through to get things done. I need to change my sheets sometime next week or maybe this weekend. I don’t know. My bed is a mess. I don’t really care either. Depression is bad.

Review and not feeling well

Here is a review for my book  https://bradmckenna.wordpress.com/2024/08/15/book-review-dont-call-me-daughter/

All week I have been dealing with toothaches. It started with one tooth now several are involved. I called a dentist and will be seen tomorrow. I need to leave early so I can go to my other dentist and get a copy of my xrays sent to the new place. I am in so much pain. I can’t even drink my coffee. I don’t know what set it off. I don’t know if the broken teeth have gotten worse or if it is the upper teeth. Ugh. I don’t have money to get this fixed. I am so screwed.

I didn’t sleep well last night. It was hard to be comfortable when in pain. I need to take a shower today. I stink again. I have been moving slow today. I got my appointment with the social worker mixed up. I thought the time was at 3 and it was at 2. Dammit. I hate when I screw up.

I got to plan on a day to go to the social security office next week to change my gender. I think I will go either Mon or Tues, if I can get out of bed at a decent time. I have had such difficulty getting out of bed the last few days. My alarm goes off at 8 and I just shut it off and go back to sleep, only to wake up after 12. I hope once this tooth doesn’t hurt anymore I will have a normal sleep/wake cycle again. I need to brush my teeth. Yesterday while rinsing my mouth, the water hurt my tooth so bad. I am fearful about brushing them again but it needs to be done.

It’s thundering and raining right now. I hope it doesn’t trigger a migraine. Since I changed my magnesium formula, I haven’t had a headache or migraine all week. I am wicked tired and just want to fucking sleep. Maybe I will get some burgers tomorrow after the dentist appointment. I don’t think I will eat today unless it is a PB&J sandwich. I had one last night for supper. It was so good. I loaded both sides of the bread with peanut butter.

Woke up late

Without meaning to, I woke up around 1pm. I slept through the night ok. I don’t know why I slept so late. I just couldn’t get up. I have a bad toothache. It has been hurting the past few days but today it is really bad. I took some ibuprofen but it hasn’t done anything so I took some pain meds. I am waiting for it to work.

I wanted to go out to get some burgers but had no energy. I made some hot dogs. The first bite I took set off some wicked pain in my tooth. I also made some baked beans. It kind of exploded in the microwave and I had a mess to clean up. I don’t think I will be eating anything more today. It is just too painful.

Yesterday I called SSA to see if they could update my record to male and was told I had to go in the office with the necessary documents. Fucking A. Walking to the office is a bitch. It’s like half a mile from the station. But there is now a Starbucks there so I can get some decent java on the way there. I wanted to call the therapy place but never did. I didn’t call today either. Maybe I will tomorrow.

Pain meds finally kicked in and I am having minimal pain. I know it probably will come back when the meds wear off. What sucks is that it is on my right side of my face and I sleep on my right side. My face is slightly swollen. I need to find a dentist that will do some work without charging me a lot of money for it. I really should look into a dental school for care. I need to call them and I hate making phone calls.

I have nothing to do this week. I see the social worker at my PCP’s office Thurs. It’s just a check in. I should read my textbook. I have been feeling off the past few days where I don’t feel like do anything. I just want to lay down. It is so hard for me to do things. Last night after the game, I had a hard time going to sleep so I read Moby Dick. I took a trazodone and it worked quicker than expected. I wanted to read to chapter 100 but after chapter 98, I had to go to sleep. I probably will be done with the book by the end of the month. I have 36 chapters left.