Category: depression

Headaches are still around. Wish they would fucking stop.

Saturday Blog 10082024

The midnight demon strikes again! I was up between 2 and 4. I had to use the bathroom and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I read for an hour. I contemplated just staying up but then the Ativan kicked in and I was able to get back to sleep. I woke up with my med alarm at 8 and been up since. I had some weird dreams. I had a headache this morning but it was due to sinuses. I took some Sudafed. I also had taken a gaba as I was having pins and needles on my head. I feel kind of foggy today because of it.

I wanted to go to Starbucks today but I just couldn’t get going. It is really hot outside and humid. I decided I would read my textbook in my room but haven’t made time for it yet. Game is on in an hour so maybe afterwards I will read a chapter.

My sister was having coffee and told me to come down. I was having my third cup and went down. She was doing stuff for the bridal shower. I had finished my cup and decided to have another one. I had my sister’s coffee that had an espresso roast. It got me wired. I am so awake from it. My head is buzzing so bad. We had something to eat and then I went upstairs. I just realized I forgot my half and half there. I will get it tomorrow, unless my bro in law brings it up. I asked him to take me to the grocery store tomorrow as I need more. I also want to get the ingredients for Shepard’s pie. Just found out by my sister, my bro in law doesn’t know the area so I will be taking a cab there tomorrow. I might go by T and then take a cab home as Sunday buses will be few and far in between. It’s going to be another hot day and I don’t want to be out long with a carton of half and half and other perishables.

I had half a sandwich at my sister’s and now I am hungry again. Damn gaba is increasing my appetite. Tomorrow we will be going to brunch for my niece’s fiancé birthday. It’s my only chance to see her. I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks. I miss her. I have to get up and pretend to be a morning person. This is going to be hard. Hopefully after I have a coffee I will be pleasant.

Neuro and other things

I had weird dreams that caused me headaches when I woke up from them. It has been a fucking morning. I had one cup of coffee so far. I plan on having at least one more soon. I saw my neuro. She is going to put me on another PRN migraine medication that is similar to the injection I take. She is hopeful that this recent bout of headaches will dissipate soon. I hope so because I can’t read while my head is hurting and I need to get cracking on my textbook.

I had my meeting with my DMH worker yesterday. It was such a nice day. We talked about stuff and I got her caught up on where I was with Mass Rehab. I see her again in a couple of weeks. Monday I am going to call the place where the therapist is and see if I truly got to wait five months for someone. I really need to have someone to talk to regularly.

I picked up some hot dogs yesterday. I plan on having them for lunch today. I might make a pasta salad for dinner. I bought colored pasta and a creamy Italian dressing. I got to shower today. I was all sweaty and stinky yesterday but I ran out of spoons as I got a migraine in the afternoon before I saw my DMH worker. I felt so awful. I went to bed kind of late. I still woke up in the middle of the night to pee. I didn’t stay up though. I was able to get back to sleep.

My neuro wants me to talk to a therapist about the dreams giving me migraines. The therapist I was seeing before mentioned that it was psychological but she never delved into it or explored it with me. I really hated when she did shit like that. Part of the reason I no longer see her.

I am in such a mood today. I just want to lay down. I need to keep busy to prevent this from happening. I am going to make lunch soon. I might have baked beans with the hot dogs. I am going to try and increase my fluids today. I am keeping track mentally of what I drink. Goal is to drink at least 128 ounces (3840 ml). I am half way there, so far. This headache is making me want to lay down. I can’t seem to get rid of it. The migraine aspect of it is gone but the rebound headache sucks. The headache is now giving me pins and needles on my head. I got to take gaba for it. Neuro said to add it in the afternoon. Not sure it will make me tired. I know it will probably make me goofy and spaced out.

I had to call registration because my insurance has been pending review all year. I had to go through the whole speal. I found out that social security didn’t update my gender to Medicare so now I have to call them to change it. I also got to email my birth certificate to change it to male for my medical records. Being on the phone wasn’t what I had planned for today.

I need to shower. I hate showering. Always flares up my back and makes me tired. I am not in the shower long, maybe ten minutes tops. I really miss the days where I used to shower whenever and be ok with it.

A much cooler day

It’s been in the 60s most of the day today and it has been so nice. I didn’t do anything today. I tried to get going but after I had my coffee, I got a headache and just didn’t feel like going out. I got the mother of a toothache going on right now. I don’t know what set it off. I woke up with it hurting. I took some pain meds and ibuprofen to calm it down.

I am not really hungry today. I had waffles with my coffee and that has been the only thing I have eaten today, aside from the ice cream I devoured for my dinner. I am fucking pissed someone ate one of my pints. I found it half eaten in the freezer. Asshole.

I have been in a mood all day. I have been fighting the urge to sleep. I just want to lay down. I am supposed to see my DMH worker tomorrow. I hope I end up leaving the house rather than having a phone conversation. The social worker at the hospital said my insurance doesn’t cover partial hospital, only inpatient. I guess I am not going to a partial program then. I don’t want to be admitted. I don’t see a reason to be admitted as I am not suicidal. I just need some contact with a MHP that is a little frequent because I am struggling with the depression.

I am struggling with getting my thoughts today. I keep zoning out. I slept pretty well despite waking up at 230 to pee. I went back to sleep though until I had to pee again at 730. I should have stayed up but went back to sleep and I think that was a mistake. I got to leave the house by 1 tomorrow. I am not sure if I will go on the Orange line or take the green line in. will depend on my mood.