Category: depression

Migraines caused by emotion?

I just had a bad dream about my mother. We were at my house in East Boston. She was watching tv in the living room. I went to tell her that the fires in the west were diminished or something to that effect and she just mumbled. I started poking her to see if she was alright and she didn’t respond. I knew she was having a low blood sugar event so I told my sister to get some juice for her. I go back to the living room and she is passed out on the couch, lying down like she was dead. I call 911 on my phone and my phone wouldn’t place the call. Then I wake up and my head is hurting. I read for a bit. Took some Tylenol and couldn’t stop thinking about my mother. Now I got a damn migraine. The left side of my head is throbbing.

When I first started getting migraines back in 2004/2005, I noticed they seem to happen when I was in therapy. The more I tried to talk about my emotions, the more migraines I got. They were debilitating. I still worked though. I don’t know how I managed. I had tried several different medications for my migraines till I came across the one I take now. It works fairly well. Then when I found out I had high blood pressure and it got controlled, the migraines became less frequent. I was still getting my menses at the time and migraines would happen around the time I got it. I was migraine free for a long time after my menses were stopped. Now they seem to happen around my dreams and if I have emotional attachment to the dreams. It also happens if I am in the dream rather than just watching as events play out. This is so fucking weird. No one has an explanation for this phenomenon. I tell the doctors and they are intrigued.

I can’t get back to sleep. It my favorite hour. I woke before 2am. It’s now 330am. I took some Ativan to try and get back to sleep. My head hurts. I do miss my mother. I’ve been having dreams about her at least a few times a week. This is the first bad one that I had about her. Her hypoglycemic episodes were always scary. As she got older, it was harder to bring her around and sometimes we would have to call 911 and she would have to go to the ED for observation. Then her sugars would be sky high for a couple days. She would be mad when she came out of the episode and we had to call 911. Sometimes she refused to go to the hospital after she came out of it, when her sugar came up. We’d always keep a close eye on her. I have always been a light sleeper so I would always keep an ear out for her during the night. Old habits die hard. It has been so hard to break this habit as even though she is gone, I am still trying to hear the walker or a thump or something from downstairs. Sometimes my hypervigilance gets activated and it is really hard to sleep when it is. Every noise freaks me out. My nephew would sometimes leave his room and his door would always make a noise. He would go out to make something to eat or smoke. I miss him. I haven’t heard from him in a while. I text him but never get a response. He moved out in June, a week before his birthday. I haven’t seen him since we celebrated his day. He turned 30. I love him so much.

I am going to read Moby Dick for a bit. I am sort of learning about whales from the point of view of the 19^th century and about how whales were captured and taken for their blubber. It has been interesting but some parts have been pretty boring. I have about 50 chapters left. The chapters aren’t that long. I can usually read them in about twenty minutes or so. Just mindless reading. I do love the classics though. I plan on reading Whuthering Heights next.

A productive Monday

I woke up at 330 with a damn migraine. I was having dreams about my family and it was emotional. I then couldn’t go back to sleep. The migraine got better with meds and then I got wicked hungry. I made a bagel and a roast beef sandwich. Then I tried to go back to sleep and slept for a few hours. My med alarm went off and I had to pee. I dozed a bit then got up around 10. I made coffee. I wasn’t hungry but damn it was so hot in my kitchen. I was sweating to death. I had two cups of coffee before returning to my room. I decided to mail the books out. I am still waiting for Peapod to clear my account. It is going to be a few days before it is all straightened out.

I took a walk to the post office and sent out my ballot as well as a couple of books. I delivered my book to my neighbor yesterday and she read it all. She really liked it. I came home a sweaty mess. I made some burgers for lunch. I think I am going to make pasta salad for dinner. I bought colored pasta for it. I saw in my fridge a creamy Ceasar dressing so will use that.

I did my laundry. I shaved my head but forgot to brush my teeth. I will do that in a little bit. I wanted to go to the Square to pick up the book that is on hold. I don’t know if I want to read the book though. I am trying to finish Moby Dick and get into my textbook. I want to do some reading before the game tonight. I usually set 6pm as my reading time. I am trying to get that to be my routine and then listen to the game after I read for an hour or two, provided the game is on at 7 or 8. Tonight the game is at 8 as they are in Kansas City. I don’t have too much going on this week. Thurs I meet my DMH worker and Fri I see my neuro.

Right now I am struggling with staying awake. I want to take a nap so bad. Think I will have another coffee, iced this time.

Hot and stormy Sunday

I got up around 10 and every time I went to my room, I got sleepy after having my coffee. I decided to go out and finish reading the first chapter of my textbook. I had to wait for the bus as Sunday’s schedule is spread out. I wore my sunglasses as it was sunny. I read my book and had a latte. I had a few minutes to catch the bus and when I got to the bus depot, I realized I forgot my sunglasses at Starbucks. By the time I went back, I missed the bus and had to wait a half hour for the next one.

I have been feeling so much better today. Yesterday was kind of testy. I was worried as there were storms when I got off the bus. It was raining kind of hard but let up by the time I crossed the street. I delivered my book to my neighbor. I started listening to the game. They are winning right now 6-2. My sister sent me a pic of a game that is for Italy. I would love to get the jersey in Italian colors.

I took out burgers but I ended up having a roast beef sandwich for dinner. I didn’t feel like cooking. The house was still hot despite the fan trying to cool it off. We had to shut the back door because of the rain. It is still thundering out. I am tired but it’s a good tired. I had some weird dreams last night which had me worried the migraines would come back but they didn’t. I am grateful for that. I don’t ever want to experience that again what I went through last week. I finished the course of steroids. I don’t know if they did anything. I am glad they didn’t cause any mood changes or any other side effects.

I sent a message to my psychiatrist about the new migraine med and the interaction with my psych med. He said he is willing to concede the psych med in favor of the med for migraine relief. I don’t know if I will be on this med as the pharmacist still hasn’t heard from the prescriber and I am not sure who exactly that is, whether it was the NP on the observation unit or the neurology team. I don’t really care as my stomach is back to feeling better. I am so glad I have Mylanta for quick relief. Wow the storm is still going on. It’s been nearly an hour now with the thunder. Shit, I just realized I haven’t done my meds for the week yet. I’ll stop here for now.

Saturday Blog 03082024

I have been up since 6. I had to get up early because my groceries were coming early. I had wanted them between 10 and 2 but the woman put the time between 6 and 10. Ugh. I slept good. I feel much better today than I have all week. I had breakfast with my sister after I brought up the majority of my groceries. I just have the Powerade left to bring up and into my room.

I found out a neighbor’s dog died yesterday, suddenly. I feel so awful. I loved this dog. She was a boxer and so cute. She will be missed. It’s not fair dogs don’t live long. They are good kids.

Not sure what I will be doing today. I want to try and read my textbook today now that I am feeling better. Last night I shut my phone off by putting it into airplane mode so I wouldn’t get any notifications. I went to bed before 8 and it took a while to get to sleep. I was restless. I kept tossing and turning. I need to shave my head and shower today. I worked up a sweat bringing up the groceries. It’s cooler in the house than it was yesterday. I am so glad because I hate when the house is hot.

I had breakfast with my sister. I hadn’t seen her all week. I missed her. I took a nap afterwards and when I got up, I brushed my teeth, shaved, and showered. It felt good as I hadn’t showered all week. I was really sweaty and stuff from bringing up the groceries. I still have a couple more bags to bring up.

I had leftover lo mein for dinner. And then I made a bagel as I was still hungry. I bought some roast beef that I will have tomorrow. Or maybe later for a snack. I also bought ribs so I will make that tomorrow. I am disappointed I didn’t get zucchini and hot dogs. I got the buns for the hot dogs though. Ugh. I am still tired despite sleeping ok and taking a nap. I would have a coffee but it is after 4. Sox play tonight. I missed the game last night. They won. I was happy to see a win when I woke up.