Category: depression

Fast car

I finally finished my psych chapter. I will start the next chapter maybe today if I don’t feel like doing Anthro. I slept like shit last night and didn’t want to get out of bed today. I was able to wash my clothes but I still haven’t showered yet. I might do that after I write this blog.

I got my cough suppressants today but it hasn’t helped at all. I have been wicked congested. My psych exam grade has been updated. I got a 91! I am super psyched about this. Still nothing about Anthro. I just hope I get the grade before our second exam.

I finally loaded Luke Combs new CD onto my phone. I love his version of Fast Car. Always takes me back to when times were simple.

I am trying to get going today and finding it hard to do. I need to read my psych. I also need to do my meds for the week. I also need to pick up my meds from the pharmacy around the corner from me. It’s cool today but not too cold. One of our feral cats were on the plywood looking up at us today and it was so weird. Poor cat doesn’t have his porch to hang out on. It’s still being built. Hopefully the workers will come tomorrow. This project is taking longer because there was a ton of rotten wood on the sides of the house they were working on. They found more rot when they were putting in a post. Just delaying everything. This 6 week project has turned into months.

As I was listening to Fast Car, I was thinking of how I once belonged and now don’t really fit anywhere. I want to finish my degree. I don’t want to think about grad school or anything. I just need a year of classes and then I will be able to graduate. I got an email from my advisor as fall registration will be starting soon. I don’t think I will take a summer course, though I really want to. I need to find out if I need to take Italian 101 again or if I can just take Ital 102 next spring. There was a rule that no more than a year could pass between 101 and 102. I don’t know if that still exists or not. I made an appointment with the advisor for Friday. I also made the appointment before realizing I had blood donation scheduled. I will have to change my date. I hate when I make appointments without looking at my calendar first. Ugh.

I need to eat something and I don’t know what I want. Think I will make some nuggets and fries. It will only take like 15 minutes, once the oven preheats. It takes so long for it to heat up. I wish this cough would go away. I am tired of coughing. It needs to take a hike!

Trying to get a shower in today. Had a rough night sleeping. Trying to do anything today has been hard. I was able to finish my psych chapter. Don’t know when I’ll get to Anthro.

Feeling triggered

My sister just came home and started bitching. My groceries came today but I haven’t had the energy to bring up my bottles of Gatorade. Every time she bitches, I get fucking scared. It’s an automatic reaction. I texted my therapist to see if there was a time I could see her and she had a time in the morning.

We spent all session talking about triggers. I said it was like I was reading in my psych book about conditioned responses. Talking about this just increased my anxiety. Which lead to my Anthro project where I have to watch people for an hour to observe them. Crowds get me anxious so I don’t want to be near a lot of people. I have a working idea but I don’t know if it is going to happen. I want to do this outside but the weather in March can be cold.

After therapy, I was tired. I had been up since 5 as I woke up to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. I had just one cup of coffee. I wasn’t really feeling well as this cough is just getting the better of me. I ended up going to the emergency room because I felt short of breath. They gave me what I had asked my pcp for but my cough was productive at the time. Now it is sort of dry and annoying. I had no pneumonia or bronchitis, which is good. They also did a viral panel which was negative.

Tomorrow I need to mail my ballot I’ve been neglecting the past few weeks. I meant to mail it today but I never got around to it. I skipped class again because I didn’t feel well. I need to work on this chapter tomorrow. Maybe I will bring my book with me to the square tomorrow and read while drinking a latte. I need to pick up my meds and the cough suppressant pills. I also need to wash my clothes. I noticed my hoodie I was wearing today had coffee on it. I hate washing clothes. I also need to shower as I stink again.