Category: depression

I’m not coming to my senses

Today is my birthday. I was slow in doing anything. I had a cup of coffee at noon. My phone kept going off but I ignored the messages. I had a few phone calls. My cousins called me wishing me a happy birthday and so did my goofy sister. She called at like 7am. I wasn’t up. I got up around noon. I wanted to get my meds and deposit money in my account. I never went to the library. I will try and go tomorrow.

My sisters and I went out for some drinks and food at my favorite place. I had some wings and a burger. I also had a gin and tonic and two whiskey sours. I am fairly drunk as I should be. I had a good time even though I didn’t win at Keno. My sister won over $200. She is lucky like that. I think my father plays a hand in her winning. We all had fun tho.

I came home and put my meds in the fridge. The new dog was here all day today. She is a good girl. If I wasn’t drunk, I would take her for a walk. I can barely sit up straight, LOL. I miss my Honey though. I am not used to the new dog. She is gorgeous though. A pitbull/husky mix. She is on the small side. She is about the same size as Honey. She is two years old and trained. I love her as much as Honey.

I haven’t seen episodes 3 and 4 of the Taylor documentary yet. I am too tired to watch it tonight. The alcohol is just going through my head. I am wicked tired. My niece’s ex brought both dogs to the house at like midnight and they were rambunctious. One of them started barking. I don’t like my niece’s ex. I don’t think he should have two dogs as he can barely take care of one.

Up early again

I woke up probably between 5 and 530. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I had another difficult night. I managed a few hours of sleep. I had a weird dream and then my own snoring woke me up. It was hot in my room but the fan made it cold. I had to put socks on as my feet were freezing. They took forever to warm up and I had on thermal socks. Then my CRPS foot flared up and my back started hurting. I was debating taking a pain med but it keeps me up and I knew I wouldn’t sleep. I had to be somewhat alert for my party.

I got up and took my meds. Then had a cup of coffee. I don’t know what I want to eat. I am not really hungry but am thinking boiled eggs. I will have that after I write this blog. I finished a chapter in the trans book I am reading. It is a really good book. I might get copies for the trans clinic I go to. I don’t remember how much I paid for the book. I will have to look it up.

I sent an email to a friend that I have spoken to in a while. We have been email friends for more than 20 years. She lives in Mass but south of me. We try to visit one another at least once a year but lately it hasn’t been working out. The last time we saw each other was before the pandemic. She has moved a few times since then. I am not sure where she is now. I know she was by the commuter rail last time we chatted but I don’t know if that is still the case.

I am trying to stay up but I am tired. My foot still hurts. We are supposed to get snow on my birthday so I think that is why it is flared up. My headaches have also returned. I had a few days of relief with the steroids but I think the weather is fucking with me. I need to contact my pcp tomorrow as yesterday when I showered I felt a lump in my groin. I felt it before. It doesn’t hurt but it is kind of big. I don’t know if it is a hernia or what. I don’t see my pcp till the end of Jan so I rather deal with this now rather than later, before the semester starts.

My sister is in the kitchen doing god knows what. I hate when she is in there because she is always in my way. Think I will take a nap and then make something to eat.

Saturday Blog 20122025

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning. I was hot and cold. My feet were frozen so I had to put socks on. I just couldn’t get comfortable. My brain wouldn’t turn off and it was thinking about bugs and stuff. I think weird shit at night.

I got up around 1. I had some yogurt and a coffee and then my stomach got upset. I am going to have some cereal for dinner. I showered and trimmed my beard as it was getting all scraggly. My back flared up. I brushed my teeth. Someone put the heat on like 80 so my room was hot. I still have the fan on.

I have been feeling really sad past few days. Tomorrow I will be celebrating my birthday and I want to climb under a rock somewhere. Tues is my real birthday. I am so tired from the shower. I tried napping but my niece’s ex came home with the puppy and she was rambunctious. Still is, doing zoomies. She sounds like an elephant.