Category: depression

Muggy and sticky

The temps are in the 70s but the humidity is in the 80s. I wasn’t feeling well yesterday. My blood pressure was high and I just felt like crap. I was in bed for most of the day. I had a cup of coffee and some pop tarts. I had two cups of coffee today with Belvita cookies. I had to get chocolate ones because they didn’t have golden oat that I love. I like the chocolate but it doesn’t taste like real chocolate. It’s more like cocoa powder. It is not my favorite.

I feel really sad today. It’s my aunt’s birthday. I had planned on going down to celebrate but got struck with overwhelming grief and couldn’t go. I miss my mother so fucking much. It is so painful. I am trying to deal with it. It is so hard. I want to be around my aunt but she can be such a downer and I still remember her how she was the day my mother died. I’ve seen her just once since my mother died. I have texted her more than I have seen her.

I need to do something about my beard and mustache. My mustache hairs keep going in my mouth and beard is just unruly. I need to shower. I just don’t feel well today. I think I am dehydrated as I haven’t been drinking anything but coffee the past two days. I haven’t eaten anything more than pop tarts or cookies. I want to make a burger now that I know how to use the grill but it is rainy today.

Something happened with my new earbuds since the last update on my phone. Only one earbud will connect to the phone. I tried shutting them off and then putting them in the case for a bit. Turning on and then connecting but same result. I cannot get both to connect. So frustrating.

I was going to make a marinara sauce today but it got to be too late. I bought the store brand pasta sauce so I am going to make some spaghetti and have it. I have been craving spaghetti for weeks now. Not sure if I am going to shower today. I have an appointment tomorrow morning for my heel. It keeps vibrating/buzzing and is annoying the fuck out of me. Been going on for a week now.

Errands done

I had a hard time getting up because there was really nothing for me to do today except get my prescriptions. I got up later than wanted but at least I got up. I had one cup of coffee and then got dressed to go to the Square. I took my Bluetooth headset and for some reason, only one side decided to connect. I couldn’t get both to connect at the same time. I just had an update on my phone so I am not sure if something went awry when it updated or if my headset is broke. I need to go to the manufacturer’s website and find out how to correct this. It really sucked just listening on one ear. I felt unbalanced.

I have been doing Duolingo to try and refresh my memory on Italian the last three months. It has been going well. I get frustrated a little bit because it really doesn’t explain the possessives or anything else for that matter. I want to take Italian 102 in the Spring to satisfy my language requirement. It is slow going. I sometimes use the app when I am bored or want to be challenged a bit. It can be fun.

I am pretty tired even though I haven’t really done anything. The heat is so killing me. My brother in law didn’t put in my AC last night so I had to sweat again. I hope he puts it in tonight but something tells me he is going to wait till tomorrow. It is like 90 degrees in my room. I am dying.

I am listening to You’re Losing Me again. I love this song so much. There are three songs I don’t have from her album Taylor’s Version. I am not sure how to get them. I got the one from the movie or something like that as it was one of her surprise songs during her tour. I love her so much.

I need to start working on my memoir this weekend. I would like most of it written before I start college in the fall. I got some ideas of what to write. I just hope I can be open and not so concise as I have been. It is hard for me to write sometimes because I just write with as few words as possible. I don’t know when this happened or even how it happened. I had to add what I wrote to the “right” file. I have about 8,000 words and fifty-five pages so far. It is coming along.

I took out a burger for dinner. I need my sister’s help with getting the grill started. I am always afraid I am going to blow it up. I’ve never operated a grill before. But I don’t want to fry my burger. It is too hot in the kitchen. I want to make fries but it is way too hot for the oven. So far, I have only had coffee. I haven’t had anything to eat. I bought pickles so I plan on having a major burger with cheese and pickles. I should have bought more while I was out. I wasn’t thinking. Maybe I will go out tomorrow and get them.