Feeling depressed today. Went to PT. Good news is I don’t have an injury to my foot. Just like I suspected, the muscles are tight. She taped it up and I’m to keep it on for a few days. It is sore. I am exhausted. Took out the recycle when I came home. Not sure if I am gonna listen to the game. I just want to sleep.
List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?
Suicide the forever decision Paul Quinnett
Cutting
The suicidal mind Edwin Shneidman
Unquiet Mind Kay Redfield Jamison
Pain is such an imposition
I found the meme that is perfect but I am nervous about sending it to my pcp. So I wrote her a letter explaining my CRPS journey as well as my pain med. My pain is not every day but it affects me when it flares up. I don’t need to be around the clock but I do need something to take care of it. Right now I am stuck with distraction and that only gets me so far. I told her I have seen pain psychologists and doctors to no help. I also fear that seeing them in light of what happened last fall might turn me away from opioid therapy. She is a new doc so I made the letter brief which can be looked up in my record but it will take some time.
I am trying to clear my room up a bit. I took out the boxes that were in my room. I didn’t realize I had four of them. I have other boxes but I am saving them for my cousin who needs boxes to ship stuff. I am working on my third cup of coffee today. I need it. I am listening to You’re Losing Me by Taylor. Still hitting me in the feels.
I brushed my teeth today. I need to shower as it has been a few days. I meant to shower yesterday but I was just so damn tired. I didn’t do a damn thing except order a pepperoni pizza. It was the only thing I ate all day. Today I had baked cauliflower and the rest of the pizza. I am starting to lose gas so I thought a cup of coffee might perk me up. I haven’t done anything except take boxes out of my room. I still have recycle on my bed that needs to go in a bag. My right foot is hurting today. PT is going to have fun with it tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. I am hoping I just need a month of therapy for it.
I am missing my mother today in an awful way. I have wanted to call her at least three times so far today. I feel really sad. Not quite sure what to do with it. I distracted for a while. It seemed to help some.
I was up again during the night. I read some. It got me thinking stuff I should talk about with my therapist but when I woke up, I didn’t feel like going to therapy. I should have canceled but kept the appt. I got up to pee and took my meds. Then rested a little too long. I got up to make a cup of coffee a half hour before therapy started.
She was in one of her moods. I was in mine and it ended with me not talking for most of it. I told her I’ve been alternating between depression and sadness. My appetite has been low or not existent. She wanted me to do something about my grief and I told her I didn’t know what to do with it. She wanted me.to work on something so I said I’d straighten out my room. Then she scheduled our next appt. Was useless. I have such a headache from being tired. I need to get at least some of the boxes in my room out so I can move stuff. Except I just want to lay down. My iron pills came yesterday so I am taking them at night. I sent a message to the doc asking if the slow release was ok. My insurance isn’t covering what she called in.
I feel so depressed and aggravated. I wish she would just let me talk about whatever I wanted to but no. She wasn’t having that today. She can be such a bitch at times. Will be 4 years we have been seeing each other. Can’t believe it has been that long.
I had a second cup of coffee with some cookies. I bought the new Oreo cakesters which are really good but I lost interest in eating them. Just hope no one eats them. My niece has been eating my Mac and cheese. I don’t have an appetite today. I’ll just have an Ensure. I still need to brush my teeth.
Sox play at 4pm today. They lost last night, again. It hasn’t been fun seeing them lose. The Rays pitcher is a Sox killer so I don’t even know if it will be worth watching. Could be another painful game. I’m not really in the mood. I just want to sleep. My niece is graduating tonight. It’s raining so I hope it is indoors.
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