Category: depression

In migraine hell again

I was having a good day until around 330pm and all the sounds got wicked loud all of a sudden. Then my niece came home and I knew it was a migraine coming. I took my meds but I am still feeling a huge headache. I was working on my paper when I had to lie down. I still have no idea what I am doing. I am just piecing together history of suicide and suicide prevention at this point. Hopefully my migraine goes away soon so I can continue reading my research papers.

I went down to my sister’s to see if she needed any help for tomorrow as it is my other sister’s birthday and she said that I smell. So I went back upstairs. I know I need to shower and I will do that before bed tonight. I can’t take the criticism anymore between the two of them.

I feel so tired. I need to get back to my paper so I will end here. More tomorrow.

Day sleeping

I was up a few times during the night because I had to pee, even though I hardly drank anything. I kept on having weird dreams, either I was on a med floor in the hospital or a psych unit. I don’t know why I keep having dreams I am in the hospital. I got up around noon to have some coffee. I didn’t have anything else as I wasn’t really hungry. My mind was on my paper and I was playing around with a couple of ideas but nothing substantial. I wanted to do some school work but I was wicked tired and just decided to nap.

I had a meeting with my DMH worker in the evening. I thought I was supposed to meet her and was going to go but I napped too late and then I had something to eat. Then It was appt time and I couldn’t leave. Turns out it was supposed to be a phone call anyways as she wasn’t in the office. So I was saved. We talked for about an hour. The therapist called me and I have an appt on Mon. I let her know about this. She wants me to let her know how it turns out.

This will be the third therapist this year. I don’t have anymore appts this week. I just need to do my school work. I haven’t done it all week as I have been trying to concentrate on the paper. Maybe if I concentrate on something else, inspiration will strike. My going to bed early didn’t all me to be up in the middle of the night. For the most part I slept through and was able to get back to sleep after I peed. I am so tired lately. And all I want to do is sleep.

Today is my godfather’s birthday and the anniversary of my godmother’s death. It has been a difficult day.

Geometric storms cause migraines

I’ve been up since 5. I had to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. By the time my sister left at 7 I knew I wasn’t going to fall back asleep. I had a slight headache. I learned there was northern lights last night and because of that solar flare, I later got a migraine that affected my vision. Luckily naprosen and another dose of Tylenol made it go away after taking some Zofran.

I couldn’t deal with the paper today. I haven’t done any school work. All afternoon I was placing phone calls because the billing center for my therapist called and ran into some issues. I hope they file the claims the right way or they won’t get paid properly. I was getting the run around so I am not sure it is right but I wasn’t going to make another phone call after the last one confirmed they had my insurance right. When my therapist calls, I will tell her and hopefully it will be filed correctly.

I tried to nap but failed when I got nauseous. I had my neuro appt today and she was like 20 minutes late and the appt lasted 10 minutes. I was pissed. I hate that there is no way for the provider to let me know they are running late. I was going to skip the appt.

I don’t know what I am doing with my paper. My professor gave me some articles that dealt with treatment so I was thinking about writing about that as we have come a long way since the 1800s but still need to work on keeping people alive and away from the hospital as that seems to just make everything worse. I got like five days to figure this out and write at least 9 pages. I don’t know why this is so hard for me. Only thing I can think of is the depression causing this block. Today I really had the fuck its and didn’t care if I turned the paper in or not, even though it’s like 30% of my grade. I just can’t focus lately. Everything feels wrong. I don’t know what to do.

I need a shower and a shave. I was going to do that today but my sister called me and told me to wait for the window guy but it turned out that he had already came. So I was downstairs for nothing. It disrupted my routine. I did manage to brush my teeth. I think I am going to go to bed early. Maybe if I wake up in the middle of the night, I will have inspiration to write something. I always seem to write my best in the wee hours of the morning. I don’t know why that is, hence why I named myself the midnight demon.

Tiring day and still have writer’s block

I got up early because I had a doctor’s appt. I took a trazodone the past two nights and my sleep has been filled with weird dreams. Last night I wasn’t sure if I was sleeping or dreaming. It just felt like things were happening in real life. Then in the middle of the night, my stomach was bothering me. Acid kept coming up, causing me to cough. I had the hungry horrors yesterday and ate a lot of food. I was sick to my stomach by being so full. I didn’t have anything after like 3 pm because I didn’t want to get sick. I got the gags from post nasal drip and that caused me to vomit.

My appt was really just a nursing visit by the medical assistant who is running the job as a nurse and medical assistant as the nurses are on maternity and paternity leave. My BP was normal today. I was expecting a note from my pcp but I didn’t get one. I guess I am to continue on only one blood pressure med for now. I go back next week for the same thing.

I went to the square afterwards. I was carrying my library books and returned them. I was hoping to get a book but today is a holiday and they were closed. I got my meds and then came home. I was hungry so I made something to eat. Then my sister texted me asking me if I wanted soup. I just had a sandwich so I went downstairs for soup. It was filling.

I came back to my room and tried working on my paper but nothing was coming to me but confusion. I have like 6 days to write 10 pages. I only have a paragraph written so far. My articles I thought would be helpful were not. I feel so screwed and my brain is betraying me. I keep looking at the cursor and nothing is happening. I can’t even think about the book I read before the semester started. I got to work that in somehow.

The only positive thing today was that a therapist called from the organization my psychiatrist recommended. We talked for a few minutes and then she sent me a link for access to their system. I had worked like an hour and a half on all the consents, policy reviews, and questionnaires. I had to lie down after as I was just tired. I had been sneezing most of the day and had either a runny or stuffy nose. I don’t know if I am coming down with a cold or if this is just allergies. It was wicked cold today. I had to bust out my winter jacket. The wind made everything colder. And looks like the parking lot is going to finally begin construction because they blocked off access through it. I had to walk around the block to get to the bus stop. I also wore a mask because I didn’t know if I have a cold or not and I didn’t want to spread it nor did I want to catch anything.

I am so tired. I need to write something for my paper. But I can’t be up too late because I got an appt tomorrow morning with my neuro NP. I spent one of the nights not sleeping as I was just wired. I kept writing a sentence and then playing my game. This went on for most of the night until it got to be like midnight and I decided to try to sleep. I failed. My sleep has always been crap. I tried the trazodone again because a friend said they use it to stay asleep during the night. I figure I would try it. For two nights it helped, aside from the reflux last night. I just wish the weird dreaming would stop. It’s kind of freaky and makes no sense when I wake up. I don’t remember them now but I wake up so confused.