Category: depression

Fuck this day

I had a good sleep, waking up around 6 to pee and then able to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to get up when my alarm went off. I stayed in bed. Then my niece texted me to watch the puppy and eventually I got up. I had some coffee and something to eat. I just didn’t feel good. There has been nearly a 30 degree drop in temperature and my head hurts. I feel blah. It’s cold in my room. I shut the AC off. I just feel really bad, physically and mentally.

I wanted to make cinnamon rolls but my bitch sister is using the oven and told me I had to empty the dishwasher. Fuck that. I will make them tomorrow. I never left the house to pick up my meds or go to Starbucks like I wanted to. Leaving the house was a big nope.

The puppy is being all shy and shit and runs under the bed if you go into the bedroom. I just hope she doesn’t shit in the house again as she ate her food. I tried to take a nap but couldn’t get comfortable. My niece brought me some shepard’s pie that she made. It was good but it wasn’t a Shepard’s pie I ever had before. It had vegetables and lentils in it. I don’t think there was any meat in it. I won’t have it again.

My sister is going to Jamaica tomorrow so I need to bring the trash out on Wed night as well as keep an eye on her 20 year old daughter. The 20 year old can fend for herself so I will just drop in every other day to make sure the stove isn’t on fire. Bitch sister is making a nectarine salsa. Too bad we don’t have chips.

Sox are playing the Orioles tonight. They also have the Jimmy Fund marathon going on. I listened a couple of years ago and I can’t listen this year because of all the cancer my friends and cousin have right now. I am so pissed off the Felon cut cancer research, especially for kids. He is such an asshole.

Make you miss me

This song has been in my head all day. I thought I had it but seems I don’t. I don’t know why because the album it is on is stellar. I bought the track. I will probably get the album on pay day.

I have been watching Taylor Swift reels all day on Facebook. She is too funny. Some of the songs she sings she lip syncs to, others are hers, and then she does some comic thing that is just funny with her cats. I love it and her so much.

I finally took a shower today. I stunk so bad. I also went grocery shopping. I got more half and half. I am almost out of the Amazon coffee. I think I have two pods left. I think I have three boxes of the Starbucks breakfast blend left. I forgot to get the coffee when I got paid and then I ran out of money so couldn’t get it. I spent my last $40 on the weight loss drug. My sister asked me about it today. I was expecting judgement but I didn’t get any. I had dinner with her tonight and now my stomach is hurting.

I am tired and I have a headache, most likely from the heat. It is 90 degrees today but not humid. The puppy has been a little shit all day, peeing all over the house. We’ve decided to crate her when she pees in the house. I need to refill my water bottle but I don’t want to get up. I managed to vacuum around my bed as I have had stuff go on my sheets but stuff is still transferring from feet. I need a new filter for the handheld vac. I had a bunch of replacements but I have no idea where they went to once my sisters tried to organize the top of my bureau.

Tomorrow I am going to go to Starbucks and read for a bit, or at least try. I also need to pick up my prescriptions. I just tried to walk the puppy. She kept running away from me. Then when I finally got her outside, she kept running back to the house. Fail. But we sat on the porch for a bit. She has been driving my niece crazy all day. I am all sweaty. She is mighty strong and pulls on the leash. Being outside didn’t help my headache. I just hope I don’t get a migraine.

Saturday Blog 16082025

I got up really late. I didn’t feel like getting up. I was pissed off last night because my niece left me to care for the puppy all day. She stayed in her crate and pooped and pissed at my door. She also peed in the kitchen. I felt bad for the dog as it was nice out and she could have went out and run around the yard or something.

The boyfriend came home but didn’t stay long. He just comes and goes as he pleases. Pisses me off. Free room and board. Meanwhile, I am struggling to pay my bills. I was in a bad mood last night. I tried not to be today. But I heard the puppy and I didn’t want to deal with family. I wasn’t hungry but I made myself eat the what was left of the cake I made, which wasn’t much. I think I will have an Ensure with my meds tonight. I have no appetite or stomach pain.

I got out of bed with the idea of having my coffee and then shaving and brushing my teeth. I managed to brush my teeth but I didn’t shave. I need to shower but I am so tired. I don’t feel like doing it. I know I complain about this a lot but it just takes so many spoons to shower. I never know how I am going to feel, if I will get back cramps, need to sit down the whole time. Be out of breath. It just sucks.

I only have one appt this week and that is on Friday morning. I need to pick up my meds tomorrow. I wanted to go today but couldn’t get out of bed. I keep thinking today is Sunday but it’s Saturday. I had a weird night of dreams. I don’t remember them but they made me feel weird. I made some zucchini last night and it turned out terrible. I wasn’t sure what to do with it so just fried it in oil. The skin was tough on some pieces and bitter.

A Cooler Friday

My aunt called me the other day wanting to go to lunch so we went today. She repeated herself I don’t know how many times, used the wrong pronouns I don’t now how many times, and asked the same questions over and over. I was getting annoyed. She ate half of what she ordered and I did too. We took it home. It was a good outing. But damn she aggravates me. Before she left, she told me to get a life, half serious, half joking. She is 81. She is only going to get worse. I like spending time with her rather than her sister. We have a few laughs. I love her though.

I came home and needed a cup of coffee. I only had one cup and I was ready to nap. I can’t nap because then I will be up all night. I had my second dose of the weight loss drug. I am down four pounds. I don’t have much appetite today. I only ordered a salad for lunch because I have been craving it. It was big so I didn’t eat it all. I might have it for dinner. I need to make the zucchini. It’s a bit cooler in the house today than it was yesterday. I just feel tired right now.

I have to go to the Square tomorrow to pick up my meds and a thing I ordered. I also need to go to the grocery store to pick up some more half and half. I want to get some more salad kits too.

I need to shower some time today. I need to shave too. Sox are playing at 7 so maybe I can take it around 6. This way I can rest afterwards.