Category: depression

Seriously what the fuck I am out of spoons!

My alarm clock went off and I didn’t want to get up. I knew I had to because my cousin was going to take me grocery shopping but it wasn’t until 1230. He called around 1130. I was still sleeping. I was mad. So I got dressed after I took my meds and then called him saying I was ready to go without even making a cup of coffee.

I got to the store and got my things. I didn’t get a half gallon of half and half because I am not drinking as much coffee. I got burgers and some chicken wings. They had pumpkin donuts and I had to get them. I also got some salad kits. They were on sale for two for six I think. Might have it tonight.

I came home and ate the wings after I put everything away. The puppy was so happy to see me. It made me feel good. I still had energy so I decided to go to the square and read my Econ stuff. On the bus I usually order my Starbucks. It was closed. Fuck. I could have went to the library but I needed coffee. So I went to get my meds and then I came home pissed off. I wasted spoons going there.

I came home and had my coffee and a donut. The puppy was happy to see me again. She is in her crate now. I don’t know why she goes in there. But she is obviously feeling better than yesterday. Now I got to read in my room with construction noise. I need to take a shower and brush my teeth. I also got to try and remember to put deodorant on. I am seeing my pcp tomorrow and I don’t want to stink. They called to confirm the appt.

I still need to give myself my T shot. It’s T day. I don’t remember which side I am supposed to jab so I am picking my left. I got my meds at the pharmacy and a water because I was so damn thirsty. It’s warm today. I just took my shirt off because it’s soaked. I am sweating so much. I am going to have to drink a lot of water today.

Trying to get into a groove

I was up half the night with stomach and foot issues. I finally took something for my stomach at 6am as I couldn’t take the burning anymore. I wanted to work on psych but the new assignments weren’t going to come in till 9. I tried to go back to sleep but really couldn’t. I wanted a coffee but wasn’t sure how my stomach would react. A couple of hours later, my stomach settled and it stayed settled. I had some lunch. It was too late by the time I got up for me to think about going out. I just wasn’t feeling like it.

After I had my coffee and something to eat, I went upstairs to check the psych stuff. There are 10 things this week I need to do and a quiz and a test in Econ. I listened to lectures today. My psych prof has a soothing voice. I got another lecture to listen to but tomorrow is Econ day. I am trying to alternate days with stuff. I haven’t started a notebook for either class yet. I don’t know if I will. I like referring to the book for stuff.

I made some attempts at looking for a new therapist. My DMH worker is trying to get me to call the other place I was at to see if I can see someone where she works. Out of the offhand, I finally bit the bullet and try the local place I’ve been avoiding. It’s only because the turnover rate for therapists is high and I don’t want to run into seeing someone for a year and have to change therapists again and again. I know you need the “right fit” for therapy but I think I am not going to find someone. I thought this new therapist would work out but she pissed me off when she started doing a cheer to get me out of my depressed state. WTF is that! I hope I can see someone soon as my depression is bad at the moment.

Tomorrow I need to do some grocery shopping. Just a small one. I want to get burgers or a steak and some salad. They also have an open buffet of food so I think I am going to get some chicken wings for lunch. I am tired from doing nothing today. It’s pathetic. But then I have been up since 6am and it’s after 830pm now so. Sox game is still playing so I want to stay up till it ends. Damn relief pitcher gave up two runs so they are down a run. I am not happy right now.

Schoolwork and other things

I woke up after have a dream I was peeing in my aunt’s bathroom so I got up to pee. It was around 7am. I wasn’t ready to face the day. I went back to sleep and then my med alarm went off. I still didn’t get up. I got some messages around noon and decided to get up then. I had some coffee and cookies. Then made some oatmeal. I wanted some eggs but didn’t feel like cooking. My stomach was iffy and I didn’t want to change it getting upset again. I was in agony most of the night with heartburn. I decided to take my reflux pill rather than wait for the Mylanta to work.

It’s been humid today and grass has been in the air as I have been sneezing and congested again. I was watching the puppy. She did good by peeing out on the porch. She was such a debby downer though while her mom was out shopping. She was just moping around the house. I kept giving her pats but I wasn’t mom.

After I had my oatmeal and coffee (just one cup), I did some schoolwork. I have been doing my psych readings that I have neglected to do all week. Now I got a shit ton to read. I finally found the one article I am to write to get credit on. It was the recommended readings so I didn’t find it right away. It is a shit ton long.

I had dinner with my sister. I wanted a salad. My bro in law made turkey burgers but I didn’t like it. They had stuff in the mix and it was salty. I am pretty full now and kind of sleepy. I still need to do some research on one of the professors at UMB. I hope I can find what I am looking for as it is too late now to send her a message. This psych class is driving me crazy. This group project is going to be a bitch. I think there are like six people in the group, myself included.

My back has been bothering me since this morning. It’s in the middle so not sure what to do about it. I would take ibuprofen but I don’t want it upsetting my stomach. I don’t have much going on this week. I need to go to the library to get the books I need for my Econ assignment. I got an appt with my pcp and DMH worker later this week, both on the same day. I hope this week isn’t too busy school wise. I am already tired.