Category: depression

Reading and more reading

I fell asleep early last night and then woke up in the middle of the night again. I got up around 4 or 430. I read my psych and finished the chapter. It took me like two hours. I was done at 630 and I took my meds. I then tried to get back to sleep for a few hours. I managed to sleep for a bit then woke up around 1pm. I had a cup of coffee and some donuts. My sister made some rice but I didn’t have any. I wasn’t really hungry.

I went upstairs and got to work on my Econ. I read chap 6 and was like half way through when I just decided to take the test anyway. I answered the questions best I could. There was one question that was based off “class notes” but I wasn’t able to find where those notes were.

My niece texted me saying she was here and had pumpkin pie. I had finished the test and then went downstairs. The pie was more like a pudding with a crust. It was good though. My sister was making something but she wouldn’t tell me what she was making. It smelled good whatever it was. I had gone back upstairs to do my meds for the week. I put the naprosen in my night med box because I forgot to take it last night. My brother in law made pasta and sauce so I had some with some garlic bread. It was good. Now I am full. My stomach is bothering me and I have a headache. I hope the naprosen works. I am kind of dehydrated still. My urine is kind of dark. I don’t have that many gatorades left. I think I have just one 28 oz and a few 20 oz left. I have to go through my cart at Peapod because it’s over $300 and the money I was hoping to get didn’t come through. There is no way I can afford a $300 grocery bill. I think what I am going to do is have the drinks delivered and then go to a cheaper grocery store to get the other stuff I need.

I have one more thing to submit for psych and a bunch of readings to do. I don’t even know what exactly I am supposed to submit. I read the responses and it just made me more confused. I got to wait till my head feels a little better before I try and attempt it. It’s a P/F so I don’t need to submit that much for it.

I wanted to shower today but never got around to it. I will try tomorrow. I like it when no one is home.

Saturday Blog 20092025

I was up half the night again. I woke up around 1am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I read my psych text for a couple of hours. I stopped at 330 but my back was cramping and I couldn’t get comfortable. Eventually, I fell back to sleep and stayed asleep until the afternoon. I woke up sometime after 3pm. I didn’t mean to sleep that late but I was knocked out.

I got a message from my psych prof saying she couldn’t access my google doc. That I should put it on the collaborations thing on the shared student thing. So I did that and then did the first paper assignment. There is one more thing I need to “discuss” for the week but I need to finish my reading first. I haven’t even gotten to the supplemental readings she assigned. The textbook is long, about 25 pages. I have about 15 more to read.

I had salad for dinner and my stomach is upset for some reason. I took some Zofran. I have about six pills left. I think I will ask my doc for another script. She asked me on Thurs but I thought I was good. I haven’t been needing them until now. I had some reflux during the night. It was not good as acid came up and I was coughing a bit from stuff. It was so gross.

I haven’t gone back to reading my textbook. I have been procrastinating. I am tired and just don’t feel like doing anything. But I am getting behind in my reading. Tomorrow I need to read Econ and do the test. I hope I do better on the test than I did on the quiz.

Ugh Econ is hard

I read chapter 3 and was totally confused by it. Nothing made sense. I took the quiz anyway and failed. The stupid graph tools didn’t work and I had no idea what I was doing anyway. Now I got to read chapt 6 and then take the test. I think this class is going to be a pass/fail.

I woke up early and decided to go back to sleep which was a mistake. I was tired and didn’t want to get out of bed but I did. I went to Starbucks and had my latte. Then as a treat, I ordered my snickers latte before I left. I had a total of eight shots of espresso so I am wired right now. I am going to read some psych. I will finish Econ tomorrow. I can’t read anymore of the confusing stuff. It’s hurting my brain.

I didn’t want to deal with puppy potty stuff today but unfortunately, she peed under the kitchen table and I had to clean it up. I can’t stand the smell of her pee. I think I am allergic to it as I sneeze all the time when I smell it. Weird. I don’t know what I am going to have for dinner. I might make a burger but I really want a salad. I have been feeling kind of dizzy today but I think it’s because I am dehydrated. I sweated so much yesterday. I also have been retaining urine. I drank a lot last night and didn’t go to the bathroom until this morning. It was more than 12 hours since I last voided. I had a huge latte and half a latte so far and a huge glass of water and have not voided yet. I am so thirsty though so I think I just need fluids. Today was wicked hot but I dressed appropriately. The sun felt good. I think I tanned a bit.

The new therapy place sent me intake forms. It took forever for me to figure out how to sign because if a field wasn’t filled out, you can’t sign the document. I fucking hate that shit. But I figured it out. Now I just got to wait for an appt, which hopefully will be next week. I stressed I wanted psychodynamic therapy for depression. I hope there is a therapist that still does this.

I am feeling nauseous right now so I took a Zofran. I haven’t eaten anything since like 1. I still don’t know if I am going to have a salad or a burger or both. Last night I was pretty hungry but only stopped at eating a burger and a donut. My stomach has been okay the past few days. I had my shot of the weight loss drug today so I hope my body is adjusting to the new dose. I don’t feel anything other than the nausea and being super tired. But I think my being tired is because I was out the last three days in a row. My foot is yelling at me. My pcp put me on naprosen. I need to eat something to take it as it can upset my stomach. I don’t need an upset stomach. My pcp said I am doing well weight wise on the drug as according to my med record I lost six pounds. It’s really been more than that as I was heavier when I was in the psych unit.

I need to read my psych tonight. Game will be playing but I am not optimistic about them winning. They seemed to have lost their mojo and the bullpen has been terrible. I don’t think we will make it to the playoffs but we are still in the race. Haven’t been eliminated yet. Probably in a week as there are only like 10 games left. Hard to believe Sept is almost over. I am so sad.

Something missing

I woke up well before my alarm went off but I didn’t want to get up. I just laid down. My sister had already left so I knew it was after 8. I never checked my phone to see what time it was. Then my med alarm went off and I had to get up because my DMH worker was to call me at 1030. I wanted at least one cup of coffee in me. I went downstairs and there were two piles of poop and some pee. One pile of poop and pee were on a puppy pad and the other was on the kitchen floor. Great. I cleaned that up and then made my coffee.

At 1045, I hadn’t received a phone call so texted my worker. She never responded. It wasn’t like her but maybe she got busy and couldn’t call. I laid down with the puppy until it was time for me to get dressed for my pcp’s appt. I thought it was cool out so decided to wear sweatpants. Turns out the temps got up to the 70s so it was quite warm. I was overdressed and I was sweating. I just had a pumpkin donut with my one cup of coffee. I was thinking about going to Starbucks either before or after my appt. I never went.

My pcp gave me some options for the pain I have been feeling. I will give it a try. After my appt, my DMH worker called and we talked for a bit. I walked to the train station. I was tired but I wasn’t out of breath. I still had to go to the Square to pick up the new meds and go to the library for the books I ordered for my Econ class. There were four books. I am glad I brought my backpack. I was drinking water I brought. I was so hot. I couldn’t wait to get home and into shorts and no shirt.

The bus driver missed my stop so I had to go uphill to my house instead of downhill. I was exhausted by the time I was halfway to my house. I had to stop to rest before reaching my house. When I got to my house, I sat on the porch for a bit. I wanted to lean back but the chair was hot from the sun. I rested a bit before going up. I had bought a Gatorade at the pharmacy, one of the new hydration ones. I figure I would need it as I have been sweating even though I am cooling off in my room. I made a burger in my kitchen and all I did was sweat. The floor was slippery so I had to be careful. We have been using the WetJet on the floor for cleaning up pee and the stuff can be slippery. If I had the energy, I would mop the whole floor with bleach.

I thought about going to Starbucks while I was in the square but it would need more spoons and I was already running low. I should sleep good tonight after all the walking I did today.