Category: depression

Feeling down and out

I had a good sleep but I didn’t want to get up. I had a hard time getting out of bed. Not even coffee could lure me out. I just didn’t care. I thought about just reading and not getting up for coffee or eating. I wanted pancakes though. It was almost 1pm and I took my meds. I used the bathroom and played with the puppy afterward. I went into the kitchen and there were huge piles of poop. I was not happy. I cleaned it up and then washed/scrubbed my hands before making my coffee. Again I just had one cup. I thought about making another but I knew my stomach wouldn’t be able to take it. I was tired and just wanted to go back to bed.

I went upstairs and just played my game. I had some messages to respond to so I did that. I still had to pick up my meds. I will tomorrow. It was raining today and I didn’t feel like going out. I thought about taking an Uber or a Lyft but it was late and I just didn’t want to go.

I made a salad for dinner and then after I ate, I went and did some school work. I finished the chapter I needed to read. There are some notes I need to read before taking the quiz. This stuff was a little bit more understandable than the other chapters. I just hope I get a good grade on the quiz. I don’t know when the test results will be back. I still have a shit ton of psych to read. I haven’t even looked to see what exactly is due on Mon. There are usually three things due. My group is trying to get a zoom meeting but no one has responded, as usual. I looked up the guy we are to write on. He is on Wikipedia. I hope they have citations in the file. That will be easy to trace for the information that I need for the paper.

My stomach is doing ok. I talked with the nurse at my PCP’s office. I told him I already discussed things with the doc last week and would like to stay on the same dose until my stomach calms down before increasing it. I am still having stomach upset and reflux. My pcp said to take the stomach med on an empty stomach but I always do. Lately I have been taking it and then going back to sleep for a few hours so that it can work before I drink coffee. It seems to help the upset. I haven’t been needing to take an extra pill at night. I asked her if she would check my iron levels and she ordered it. She said she doesn’t need to check my pancreas enzymes so I am glad.

I feel depressed. Things are stressing me out and I have no one to talk to about them. I don’t know how long I will be on the waitlist for a therapist. Hopefully not too long. I have to go through intake. I don’t know if I will have to wait after that for a therapist. I am keeping my DMH worker’s place open in case this place doesn’t work out.

I just can’t drink with you

I have been listening to Brett Young’s 2.0 album. I love his song drink with you.

I got up later than I planned. My meds weren’t ready so I didn’t go out again today. I played with the puppy more. I found it hard to concentrate on my school work. I had one cup of coffee and my stomach felt full. I ordered lunch and now I am stuffed. I wanted pad thai but the place was closed. I had Kung Pao instead. The puppy wanted some too but I didn’t give her any. Spicy isn’t good for doggies.

I want to take a shower today but haven’t done so yet. I might do it tomorrow. I am not really feeling well today. I just feel so down. My stomach is upset. I just want to lay down. I don’t care if I sleep or not. I just don’t want to be up. I had a weird dream I gave birth to a baby. It’s weird because I never thought of being a mother before. I never wanted kids. In the dream I follow her around. She looked like me when I was a baby. I got to stop watching baby reels. It’s making want to have a baby.

I don’t know if I am going to do any Econ work today. I got brain fog. I was only able to drink one cup of coffee today. I am tired and have no energy. Tomorrow I need to get my meds. I might go to Starbucks and get a coffee or latte. I like their pumpkin cold foam cold brew. It’s tasty and not too sweet.

So cranky today

I was up in the middle of the night again. I got an email around 330am from some journal I follow. I wanted to kick my phone across the room. I listened to my sister leaving the house for work. I figure I try to get some sleep. Then my phone text message for my psych class went off and just continued. It was like 730am! I was so pissed. I put my phone on vibrate but by then the texts stopped of course.

I managed to go back to sleep only to dream about work and clearing the tube system as well as getting problem samples. Then I dreamt I was to go to the psych ER for something. I don’t even remember why it was being suggested to me. I woke up feeling aggravated. I heard the puppy go down the stairs so I knew there was going to be some potty mess out in the hall. She peed outside my sister’s bedroom. I was not happy.

I got up around 10 but I still wasn’t awake. I went back to sleep and then had my coffee. It was 1pm. I had to do some stuff for class. I did that. The professor sent me a message saying I put the collaborations thing in the wrong spot. So I moved it to where it was supposed to be. For some reason I cannot get google docs to that folder. I can get the drive there but not the document. I am frustrated with the whole thing. I just put what I wanted to do on the document someone created.

I am hungry even though the coffee upset my stomach. I think I am going to make a grilled cheese. I have been craving one. I hate making them as I always burn one side. I suck at making them. I usually “cheat” by toasting the bread and then microwaving the cheese so it melts.