We were at my father’s appointment and they were running 45 minutes behind. When we asked for an explanation, the nurse said “humans”. I kid you not. Like what the fuck aren’t we all? I was more pissed than I already was. So a ½ hour appointment took three damn hours. I hadn’t had lunch and was starving by the time I got home. The last time I ate something was around 0630.

Other than this appointment from hell, my day went okay. Next time I will be bringing a book because I am not going to stare at the ceiling for two hours. Waiting for three hours, killed my ankle. I am hurting but I can dope up on meds and not deal with my father until Friday, though I expect him to call me because the doc changed his meds around. I had to count them to see if I put in all of them in the box. I was tired as the bus ride to his house gave me anxiety again because another monster stroller came on. There was already a wheelchair person on the bus so the front was congested and I headed to the back to get some air.

My blood pressure pills finally came today. They took a trip around the US, going from New Jersey to Connecticut to Illinois to Boston. I am glad they got delivered because I had one more morning dose and then I would be out. I would have had to take from my night meds and that was something I wanted to avoid because my brain can only hold so much information these days. I also got my allergy pills today, something I was not expecting until next week. I just hope tomorrow my Pearl Jam bag gets delivered. I feel I deserve this expensive bag for dealing with an imbecile bastard father. The bag cost $90 and is the most expensive bag that I will own. It’s made by Patagonia, which is why it is so expensive. Tack on the Pearl Jam label and well they have to get their royalties too.

I should have brought my Roots story with me to edit it. I meant to print it out but it was raining and I didn’t want soggy papers so ditched it at the last minute. I didn’t bring my tablet for the same reason. I will bring both on Friday when we have yet another appointment.

I haven’t heard back from my psychiatrist about getting an appointment from her. I am tempted to call her office and demand one. But I don’t think that will fly. I am sure she reads the email, plans on responding and then gets distracted, never responding. Least that is what I hope happens. I will need a refill on two of my medications by the time my father is done with all his appointments. I have explained this to her in the last email I sent her. I just have anxiety when she doesn’t respond because I don’t know if she is mad at me and that is why she is not responding or if she is just in email jail and can’t respond. Or she had a brain fart and forgot about responding.

I got therapy tomorrow and I think I am going to go to Starbucks in the morning so I can have some me time. I really want a soy latte and their breakfast sandwich that I love. I will print off the roots story and see if I can play with it. I want to get this baby up to 2000 words and I am falling short.

Oh, and hold the presses! Mary Chapin Carpenter, my favorite artist of all time, is coming out with a new CD in May! I cannot fricken wait. I think I can get it in vinyl but a CD will suffice. My mother hogs the TV room where the turntable is so I would only be able to listen to it late at night or when she is out of the house. I rather listen to it in my room. New music from her is going to be heaven. She has such a calming voice on me. I always listen to her when I am in need to calming or need to relax. She has an orchestral album that is very relaxing. That came out I think two years ago. I would LOVE to hear that album at the Boston Symphony. It would be epic!

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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