Why do I bother
Things seemed to go ok today but now I am feeling the rut of my depression and want to end things. Nothing specific has happened, I just don’t want to exist. I feel worthless and that what I am doing is nothing but wasting people’s time.
I have a messed up right eye. The muscles are weak and I have to do therapy to correct it but my insurance doesn’t cover therapy so I have to pay out of pocket. I am already on a budget and I am not sure I can swing this extra money for this therapy. It has me stressed out because without this, my eyes won’t be corrected and it will be hard for me to read continuously. I would have to take breaks like every ten minutes and who can read something every ten minutes. It has me feeling frustrated that yet my body is failing me and it has nothing to do with age.
Feeling suicidal and acting on it are two different things. But right now I would act if I had a plan to go to. I just don’t want to exist anymore.