Category: depression

I had weird intense dreams about my sisters and woke up with a headache. It put me in a bad hopeless mood. I wanted to die all day and seriously thought of getting discharged just so I could attempt. The headache got worse and turned into a migraine. The sun was coming in and out and finally stayed out mid-afternoon. It has been so damn bright in the day room. I’ve spent some time in my room where the curtain was drawn and it was semi dark. After two doses of my triptan, it lessened. At dinner I took some Tylenol and ibuprofen.

I had a good dinner. Burger and rice and some chicken fingers that were cold. I still got a headache. I got a roommate. He needs extra care so it’s going to be a long night.

I showered today. Again I felt exhausted. I sat down to wash up. I changed into my shorts as it’s hot on the unit. I’ll changed into my PJs before bed. I don’t have stringless PJ shorts so I didn’t bring them. I am so tired. I got up around 730. I slept through the night despite the dreams.

Some time this month I find out about my financial aid. My anxiety is already up.

I have been drinking so much water that I think I irritated my urethra by peeing so much. I hope it goes away as it’s uncomfortable.

I am still in the hospital. I’ll be here till Wed or Thurs. We are still working out a plan.

I won’t be having visitors this weekend. It’s fine with me. I have been sneezing all morning. I don’t know why. I still feel like crap, mentally. I enrolled in the study and been wearing the fitbit. Every so often it goes off for you to move. I usually ignore it. I am averaging 1000 steps on the unit, which is more than what I do at home. Yesterday the nurse took me outside. It was drizzly but then the sun came out. There was a stiff breeze that was nice. Today is more cloudy and dark. Don’t think I’ll be going out.

Someone from the study said they would be by on the weekend. I don’t know how to charge the fitbit. I am nearing the end of three days with it. I did my study this morning.

Sox won last night. First time in like 7 games. I’m glad they won. I miss my puppy.

I am on a psych unit. I didn’t sleep too well so got a headache. Then around 530 I got woken up for blood work and I’ve been up since. My two attempts at napping failed. They had to call the IV team to draw my blood. I would rather not have them do it.

I went to the groups and met the psychology fellow. Briefly met my team as the iV team came while we were meeting. Nothing really got accomplished other than straightening out my meds. I tried to rest after and got overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts.

I got approached on a research study by the same suicidologist I follow last time. I like it and it’s easy. I am wearing a fit bit which is connected to my phone. I got a call and it started vibrating. I was like WTF. Now I am going to be interested in getting one after the study. Just walking to my room increased my heart rate. Be interesting to see what happens when I get short of breath after walking a few blocks.

I have eaten two meals. And I have to have dinner because I need the calories for the latuda. I already feel so fucking full. My head is killing me. The headache has just gotten worse. I took some Tylenol. Next will be ibuprofen.

Sox aren’t playing today and i am bummed. I have a TV in my room so I can watch the game. The TV looks like a big microwave. I laugh every time I see it.