midnightdemons7

Don’t blame me

I am glad I set a second alarm because otherwise I would have missed therapy. I had trouble sleeping again last night. I rested for a few hours and then woke up around midnight. I don’t remember if I had to pee or I just woke up but I couldn’t get back to sleep. I took a trazodone to help me sleep. I woke up around 5am to pee and then went back to sleep for the first alarm. I meant to get up but I fell back to sleep.

I was late leaving the house. It was raining so I had to time my leaving with a bus coming so I wouldn’t be soaked. The umbrella I had was broken. I swear there isn’t an umbrella that is made with quality materials anymore. It wasn’t windy so it was good umbrella day. I got to my hometown about 945. I waited for the bus but it was delayed a little. I was a few minutes late to my appointment. It went ok. I was telling her about the delusions and psychosis I went through after my OD and mostly we talked about the care of my mother for four months. I felt nervous after we talked. She checked in with me and I told her so. Either she thinks I am a cracked pot or she has no idea what she is getting into with me. She gave me her number but I still don’t have her last name. I texted her when I came home for it as my psychiatrist had asked for it. I forgot to ask. I see her on Monday.

Getting home was tricky. My epipen expired and I needed a new one. It was ready at the pharmacy and I thought I would connect from the blue line to green to red. I walked to the station and stopped to the last Italian place in my town for arancini (rice ball). I will go back there to get some cookies. I was really pushing myself walking to the station from my therapist’s office. I was out of breath and wheezing. When I got to the orange line, there was an announcement but I missed the beginning of it so continued on my way to what I thought would be the green line. Well the green line was shut down. I had to go back to the orange line and I decided to take my town’s bus to the Square so I could get my meds. So I went around the world. I went to Starbucks and ate my arancini. It was so good. I had a mocha, which I thought I ordered iced but it was hot. After I ate the arancini, I was so full I couldn’t eat the pumpkin muffin. I will have that tomorrow morning, provided no one eats it. I picked up my med and then went to the bus stop to go home.

I came home and took the quiz that was due today. I kept getting the same question wrong so I had to retake it multiple times until I got a 10/10. Tomorrow is going to be review so we’ll go from there. Exam is next week. I might take it early just to get it out of the way. It will become active sometime tomorrow after class. I don’t know if I am going to work on the extra credit paper tonight. It’s due Sunday. I honestly don’t remember what I read. I did the top half of the paper today and the APA citation. I had to manually put in the DOI thing. That was a pain. I am tired. I need to eat something and take my night meds. I hope I don’t wake up around midnight again. Two nights of insomnia is enough for me.

All I want to be is done

I had wicked insomnia last night. I didn’t go to sleep till after 330am. I was going to get up when my med alarm went off but I went back to sleep and that was the end of that. I woke up too late to go to class, where apparently she assigned groups and another activity. I don’t care. I am so done with this class. I am just going to start the extra credit paper tonight and then finish tomorrow. I just completed all the homework and uploaded them. I got what I could out of the slides for the “neural” shit. I was planning on taking the quiz tonight but I am too tired.

I went out because I had to get out of the house. I went to Starbucks and had something to eat with my latte. Then I went to get my meds. Thankfully there wasn’t a line. I got my meds and then went to the bus stop. It was getting colder and I had to wait for the bus. My hands were cold by the time the bus came.

I came home and did my school work. I ordered dinner as I didn’t feel like having leftovers. The therapy place called using my deadname and I argued with them. They said they were using it for insurance reasons and I corrected them saying my insurance isn’t in that name. They said they had to check. She said she was going to change it so we’ll see. I see my therapist tomorrow. I set two alarms so I hope I get up.

What if time doesn’t do what it is supposed to do

I woke up around noon and had a cup of coffee. I had woken up earlier and taken my meds and then went back to sleep. After my cup of coffee, I went to work on school stuff. There was so much and I tried finding where the professor might have left feedback on blackboard but couldn’t find it so I emailed her. I got an out of office reply and my anxiety went berserk. I spent the day feeling nervous. It was out of my hands and I would have to wait till tomorrow. A couple of hours later, I got a response. She said my paper was good and then listed like 10 things I should write about. I went through like half the list and then I stopped reading. I don’t know when I am going to get to this paper but I will and I hope I can write when I have the time. I spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening working on homework and taking notes on the lectures. I finished the webinar I started last night. I hope I wrote enough information about it.

I had some lunch and it was the only thing I had to eat all day. I had leftover lo mein. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve had before from the same place. But my throat has been feeling funny the past few hours. I don’t know why. I was working on the last homework piece, which is mental illness. We haven’t gone over it in class yet so I might wait until tomorrow to do it. I got brain pain. I wasn’t sure if it was going to turn into a migraine or headache. It turned into a migraine.

I got some surprises in today’s mail. My DMH worker sent me a holiday and birthday card. I thought that was sweet of her. It made my day. I got such a headache right now. I took my meds, night meds and migraine meds. I will be going to bed early tonight. I was going to shower but I don’t feel like it. I will do it tomorrow before I leave for class. Just two classes left in the semester this week. I just hope I can pass with a B.