midnightdemons7

Since Friday, I’ve been experiencing chest pain. It was my usual stuff and I wasn’t worried about it but I also wasn’t taking meds for it like I should have. I got a massive cramp under my rib cage and that just made my chest way worse. It felt really heavy and the pain was now crushing. I called an ambulance after failing to find someone to take me to the T or hospital. I was in the ED a few hours. I had bloodwork and tests done. All were negative but none explained the pain. I was discharged home to follow up with my pcp.

I wrote a note before going to bed telling them I was in the ED. I woke up around 10. Someone from the hospital was calling but I was too groggy to answer the phone. It was my pcp’s office. I called back and we talked. I felt ok but a few hours later I sneezed and that made everything worse again. I had heaviness in my chest and I wasn’t sure if it was physical or mental. I’ve been feeling really depressed all day.

I tried doing school work but just couldn’t get into it. My paper is supposed to be graded today but I haven’t found where it will be. I’m so behind in the reading and I am not liking this book at all. It’s like reading Uncle Tom’s cabin.

I am really not feeling well. All weekend I was pretty much in bed. I slept pretty late. I had a busy week. This week is busy too. I have 5 appts. 3 on Wed and 2 on Fri. It was raining today so I didn’t go out. I have to pick up my meds tomorrow. I am almost out of depakote. Also need to pick up a book I ordered.

I have been fighting a nap the last two hours. I just feel like shit. It’s been warm so I’ve been wearing shorts. Also been hella windy. My hat nearly blew off my head the other day. Crazy weather.

Saturday Blog 15032025

I had a good sleep but I woke up in the middle of the night. I was up for two hours or so. I had to pee and for some reason, my bowels decided to go too. I went back to sleep and woke up to my med alarm. I shut it off but didn’t get up. The next thing I heard was the alarm for my game. I still didn’t get up. I finally decided to get up around 4pm. I was in a mood but I was hungry. I made something to eat. Bitch left me a note and I didn’t do anything. I cleaned up after I ate. Then went to do my Italian homework.

I have until the 23^rd to do it and I am grateful because once again, I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. I went over the videos again and things made sense until I got to the homework and was, ok maybe not.

I feel wicked suicidal. I won’t act on how I feel but I just want to die. I don’t even know why I feel this way as I just woke up like this. Nothing happened. I hate when my mood is so low and thoughts are just dire. I am going to go back to sleep after I write this because I am just so tired.  My country is going to shit and the people “in charge” don’t give a fuck anymore.

Last night I thought I was going to have to go to the ED. I was having some major pain all over my chest. Eventually it settled down and I was able to sleep. It’s bothering me a little bit today.