midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog 11152025

Today was my sister’s birthday. I spent the morning celebrating. I didn’t sleep very well and felt like a zombie. I ate breakfast and a couple cups of juice. My sister made me coffee. It was ok, not my usual but it did its job.

I am still anxious about my paper. I haven’t written very much. I think if I try to stretch it out, it might work out to be at least 10 pages. I will still need to write an abstract when I am done. But that is usually at least 150 words or less so I should be ok. I want to get the bulk of the pages done then work on the little piece. I was so worried, I dreamt about my paper last night. It did not go well.

I feel so sleepy today. I am trying to stay awake. Whatever I ate, bothered my stomach. I feel a blowout coming on. I hope I am wrong. I don’t know what I am going to have for dinner. Maybe some soup.

Last night I couldn’t sleep so I was researching my topic. I must have spent at least two hours looking for articles and came up with nothing. Different searches and nothing. I feel so defeated. This paper be at least a B or I am arguing with the professor. That is, if I can stretch it to 10 fucking pages. I wish I knew how to write bullshit. It isn’t in my brain. I speak the truth and don’t stretch it. I am screwed.

In migraine hell again

I was having a good day until around 330pm and all the sounds got wicked loud all of a sudden. Then my niece came home and I knew it was a migraine coming. I took my meds but I am still feeling a huge headache. I was working on my paper when I had to lie down. I still have no idea what I am doing. I am just piecing together history of suicide and suicide prevention at this point. Hopefully my migraine goes away soon so I can continue reading my research papers.

I went down to my sister’s to see if she needed any help for tomorrow as it is my other sister’s birthday and she said that I smell. So I went back upstairs. I know I need to shower and I will do that before bed tonight. I can’t take the criticism anymore between the two of them.

I feel so tired. I need to get back to my paper so I will end here. More tomorrow.

Day sleeping

I was up a few times during the night because I had to pee, even though I hardly drank anything. I kept on having weird dreams, either I was on a med floor in the hospital or a psych unit. I don’t know why I keep having dreams I am in the hospital. I got up around noon to have some coffee. I didn’t have anything else as I wasn’t really hungry. My mind was on my paper and I was playing around with a couple of ideas but nothing substantial. I wanted to do some school work but I was wicked tired and just decided to nap.

I had a meeting with my DMH worker in the evening. I thought I was supposed to meet her and was going to go but I napped too late and then I had something to eat. Then It was appt time and I couldn’t leave. Turns out it was supposed to be a phone call anyways as she wasn’t in the office. So I was saved. We talked for about an hour. The therapist called me and I have an appt on Mon. I let her know about this. She wants me to let her know how it turns out.

This will be the third therapist this year. I don’t have anymore appts this week. I just need to do my school work. I haven’t done it all week as I have been trying to concentrate on the paper. Maybe if I concentrate on something else, inspiration will strike. My going to bed early didn’t all me to be up in the middle of the night. For the most part I slept through and was able to get back to sleep after I peed. I am so tired lately. And all I want to do is sleep.

Today is my godfather’s birthday and the anniversary of my godmother’s death. It has been a difficult day.

Geometric storms cause migraines

I’ve been up since 5. I had to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. By the time my sister left at 7 I knew I wasn’t going to fall back asleep. I had a slight headache. I learned there was northern lights last night and because of that solar flare, I later got a migraine that affected my vision. Luckily naprosen and another dose of Tylenol made it go away after taking some Zofran.

I couldn’t deal with the paper today. I haven’t done any school work. All afternoon I was placing phone calls because the billing center for my therapist called and ran into some issues. I hope they file the claims the right way or they won’t get paid properly. I was getting the run around so I am not sure it is right but I wasn’t going to make another phone call after the last one confirmed they had my insurance right. When my therapist calls, I will tell her and hopefully it will be filed correctly.

I tried to nap but failed when I got nauseous. I had my neuro appt today and she was like 20 minutes late and the appt lasted 10 minutes. I was pissed. I hate that there is no way for the provider to let me know they are running late. I was going to skip the appt.

I don’t know what I am doing with my paper. My professor gave me some articles that dealt with treatment so I was thinking about writing about that as we have come a long way since the 1800s but still need to work on keeping people alive and away from the hospital as that seems to just make everything worse. I got like five days to figure this out and write at least 9 pages. I don’t know why this is so hard for me. Only thing I can think of is the depression causing this block. Today I really had the fuck its and didn’t care if I turned the paper in or not, even though it’s like 30% of my grade. I just can’t focus lately. Everything feels wrong. I don’t know what to do.

I need a shower and a shave. I was going to do that today but my sister called me and told me to wait for the window guy but it turned out that he had already came. So I was downstairs for nothing. It disrupted my routine. I did manage to brush my teeth. I think I am going to go to bed early. Maybe if I wake up in the middle of the night, I will have inspiration to write something. I always seem to write my best in the wee hours of the morning. I don’t know why that is, hence why I named myself the midnight demon.