midnightdemons7

Busy day and puppy spoiling

I spent the day with the puppy. I spoiled her. I gave her treats and some eggs which she ate so fast she ended up vomiting them. I wrapped her in a blanket (photo) because she looked cold. I love her so much.

I had an appt with my psychiatrist. He doesn’t think I am in a depressive episode. He is not denying that I am depressed. He said I am “experiencing joy” so he doesn’t think I am not in an episode. Whatever. He isn’t going to make any med changes. I told him I was taking trazodone. It is helping me sleep better.

This morning I was hungry. Mind my sister woke me up before 630 because the puppy was whimpering for me. So that is how my day started. I had some cheese and within a half hour my gallstone pain started up again. I have been in pain all day. My stomach has been upset and I am not sure it is related to the gallbladder or the weight loss drug. My pcp increased the dose. My weight hasn’t really changed. I had some soup for lunch.

I had my appt with my DMH worker today. I thought it was going to rain today as the porch was wet this morning but it cleared up and warmed up. I wanted to leave to pick up my meds but the dog puked and cleaning it up flared up my back. I managed to take a shower and brush my teeth. My smooth head is now feeling like sandpaper as hair is growing back. I will need to shave tomorrow.

I am listening to Show Girl by Taylor. It is my new favorite. I do go back to 1989 every so often. Blank Space is one of my favorite songs. It is my therapist song as there is always a blank space for them. I have seen so many I wonder if they will be a mistake. My new one is turning out to be ok even though she nods her head a lot.

Went out

I woke up a little before my med alarm went off. I had slept pretty good but it was so hard to get up. I knew I should, so I could have some coffee but I didn’t. I took my meds though and then set my alarm for 1130. I rested for another hour and then reluctantly got up. I went downstairs to brush my teeth. I played with the puppy first. She cuddled next to me and I didn’t want to leave the house. Eventually I made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I brought down my sweatshirt and sneakers so I could just leave. It was getting close to when the bus would be coming.

It was nice out but the wind made it chilly. I just wore my sweatshirt. I didn’t want to wear my jacket. I got my hair shaved and then I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I was at the bus stop when I realized I forgot the thing I ordered. It was too close to the bus coming so I couldn’t go back to the pharmacy. I have another prescription that is being processed so when that is done I will go back and pick it up. I hope it is ready today so I don’t have to go out tomorrow.

I’m going to take a nap. Fuck it.

Pain today

Since Saturday, my gallbladder has been flared and it has continued today. This is my third day of pain. I messaged my pcp and the RN interfered with a bunch of questions. I responded then got nothing back. Assholes.

I had therapy today. She had no insight into why I am dreaming about the psych hospital. Maybe I am because I feel safe there. I don’t have to worry about my safety all the time. We talked about the weekend and I told her how flared up I was Saturday and I didn’t sleep till around 4am yesterday. I slept good last night. I don’t remember if I took trazodone or not. It was really hard for me to get up this morning though. I didn’t want to get up.

I think I am going to have to take a pain pill tonight because the pain in my side hasn’t gone away. I am also getting a headache. Today has been a long day for me. I took care of the puppy. I fed her and cleaned up after her. I thought an hour would be enough time to wait to take her out but it wasn’t. She pooped on the kitchen and peed twice under the kitchen table, her new favorite spot. I had a 3^rd cup of coffee after therapy. It didn’t give me any energy and I still felt blah.

I decided today to make an appt with the barber so get my head shaved. I will be going Wed. I hope my prescription for my migraine med will be in by then. It’s out of stock right now. I made an appt to see my psychiatrist on Thurs. I hope he can help with the depression. I am really struggling with it. I hate being tired all the damn time. All I want to do is sleep or lay down. I am worried that I may end up skipping class because I don’t want to go because I am too depressed. Three straight days of being on campus is going to be a huge effort for me. And especially as they are at night, it is going to be even more so that I have enough spoons for class. I have to plan my dinner because of taking the Latuda. Otherwise I will be drinking Ensure if I don’t feel like eating. I need to get another case of it. I hate that it costs so much.