another painful depressing day

Another painful depressing day

I was in a lot of pain today with my shoulder. I didn’t want to do anything and so didn’t. I slept until around 11 and had coffee. I didn’t have anything to eat until a couple of hours later. The ortho department called me with an appointment so I have that at the end of the month. I also called my pcp office to see if I could increase my pain meds as I have so much pain. I haven’t heard back.

I had my dinner of Oreo cookies. I didn’t want anything else. I needed to shower and shave today but never got around to do it. I’ve been depressed most of the day. I wanted to go pick up my meds at the pharmacy. It was such a nice day today but I never left the house. Pain was a huge factor in keeping me in. I seriously gave some thought to suicide today but didn’t dwell on it.

My therapist got back to me this morning. I had to reschedule our appointment for next week as I have the CT scan a little close to our time. I am glad she got back to me. I let most of my friends know about my fractured shoulder. I just looked up the doctor I will be seeing. The bright side is he is chief of the department. Downside is he specializes in leg injuries. I don’t want the run around while I am in pain. I dealt with that while trying to find a diagnosis for my CRPS ankle and I won’t do that for my shoulder ever again. I don’t want something like CRPS to go to my shoulder. But I don’t know how common these ortho terms are and if seeing the chief will be a good idea. He would know who specializes in shoulders in his dept so I could get referred to that doctor. I know that I will need an MRI as I don’t think the CT scan is going to show the depth of the labrum. I could have a tear there that is causing me this pain. But without knowing what is causing the dislocation, I am stumped.

In the meantime I just hope to have adequate pain control. Hope my pcp gets back to me tomorrow.

broken shoulder and other things

Broken shoulder and other things

My pcp got back to me late yesterday afternoon and scheduled me for an urgent care visit. I went this morning, which I didn’t want to get out of bed for. I am glad I went and had an x-ray because my shoulder has a fracture in it caused by a dislocation. The results said that it was prior but I don’t recall ever dislocating my shoulder before. I need to have an MRI done but there is a significant wait so I will be having a CT scan done on Monday, which means I need to reschedule my therapy appointment. I also need to see a shoulder specialist.

After the appointment, I was hungry and thirsty. I didn’t have anything to eat or drink when I got up because I got up really late and I had to catch the bus if I was to be at my appointment on time. I went to CVS and got a smoothie. I then went to the Square to go to Starbucks to grab a mocha and a sandwich before catching the bus home. I had to pick up my meds at the pharmacy so I went there before stopping home. I got out of breath when I got home. Stupid hill still makes me short of breath. I had to sit on my porch for a bit before going up the stairs. I was in a lot of pain when I got home from the exam and not taking any pain meds. I should have taken some with me but I didn’t think.

I am quite tired. Yesterday I woke up at 2 am and didn’t go to sleep again till around 2200 or so. It was a long day. I couldn’t think to write a blog so I just posted a pic of a puppy that I thought was cute. I had therapy yesterday. It went well. She was calling me out on shit and I was at one point like, is this Will Hunting?? She wanted me to take care of myself rather than rely on others for care as I’ve been neglected and abused for most of my childhood. I understood where she was coming from but it didn’t feel good to know that I had to do the caring from now on. That doesn’t sit well with me. I do take care of myself in other ways.

While I was at the urgent care, they took my blood pressure and my diastolic was high. I just took my blood pressure at home to see what it is and it is still high. Fuck. I might have to go back on the labetalol. I had stopped taking it because I didn’t think I needed it. My blood pressure has been good until now. Now I got to monitor it to make sure the high readings don’t continue. I am in a lot of pain so that maybe why my pressure is up. I haven’t given myself the T shot yet today that I am due for. I wanted to write for a bit before doing it. I am so tired. I plan on going to bed early tonight because starting Friday, my nights are going to be busy watching baseball and I need to be up to listen to the plays. Just hope I am wrong about them having days off and then playing. We need to win four games and it isn’t going to be easy with the Astros.