midnightdemons7

Wild dreams

I had a few wild dreams last night. The first one was I with this guy and he made me so mad as he was walking away I wanted to punch him in the back of his head. I punched my lamp and woke up so angry and with a sore hand. Then I was dreaming about my mother. I was trying to find her and saw her pushing her wheelchair with her big ass sunglasses on. For some reason she had two stethoscopes with her and an unhoused person took one. I went to grab it to take it back and woke up with me trying to grab something. Thank god I don’t sleep with someone. I might hurt them while I am dreaming.

I had coffee with my sister before she did her things. I told her my struggles with getting groceries. She asked what do I eat. I told her it was mostly burgers and chicken. I will roast a chicken breast with potatoes or make a burger. I don’t really eat vegetables as I don’t know how to make them. My sister will make them and then I will eat them. She is a better cook than I am. So my sister gave me a bunch of stuff and some coffee my brother in law doesn’t like anymore. She is going to have a lady come to my room to help me clean it. She wants me to take all the stuff out so that I can take out the rug and get a new mattress. I don’t know what she is planning for my floor as I don’t like what is underneath the rug. It’s some kind of weird design that is so ugly. She also wants me to get rid of my desk but I don’t want to because it belonged to my favorite uncle and I am not ready to part with it. Besides it is holding my books that I have read/not read.

I need to shower today as it has been a week since I last took one. I never took one yesterday because I was just feeling so down. I feel like shit right now because my head is killing me and I feel so sluggish. I just want to sleep. I had a hard time sleeping last night for some reason. I was listening to country music until like 2 am. I just didn’t want to sleep. I got up around ten after I woke up trying to grab something. That was so fucking weird. I never had dreams like this. I don’t know what to make of them. I don’t see my therapist until next week. I feel so frustrated. I read the news on my social media and it just depresses me. I try not to stay on it too long. I am so fucking worried about this bill that the Senate has right now. If it passes it is going to suck for like 70 million people. And transgender people cannot get care on Medicaid if they have it. I have no idea if I will be able to get bottom surgery like I want to. I have the appt next week for a consult. It is at a “tier 2” place so I don’t know how much it is going to cost me. If I can’t get the surgery, I will be disappointed. I’ve always wanted a penis but like a real one that shoots cum and erects. But seeing as I don’t have a prostate, that isn’t possible. So I just wants a simple meta. I don’t want balls and a scrotum. I hope I can have what I want.

Saturday Blog 28062025

Today is my nephew’s birthday but he wasn’t feeling good so we canceled the dinner for him. I was bummed. I had a difficult time sleeping last night. My room was too hot so I couldn’t get comfortable. I kept putting the sheet on and taking it off. It was like 4am and then I got some energy. I wanted to stay up but my allergies were killing me. I took a Benadryl because it was too close to the time I would have taken my allegra. I felt sleepy in like an hour and a half. I only took 25 mg because I didn’t want to be groggy. I ended up feeling like shit when I woke up anyway. I had to take a shower but with the canceled dinner, I didn’t have to rush to do it.

My allergies are still terrible and my sinuses hurt. I just took some ibuprofen as I am getting a headache. I had shut off the AC but now need to turn it back on. I am so hot. It’s not even that warm out but it’s raining. I think the barometric pressure is causing the sinus issues. I want to go back to sleep.

Cooler Friday

The temps are much cooler today than they have been. I went to the Square today to pick up my meds and to go to Starbucks for a coffee and something to eat. I then waited for the bus. When I got on the bus, I took a seat and then a lady complained as she wanted it. I don’t understand why she complained as she had a seat. The bus wasn’t that full. So stupid.

My legs felt like crap on the way home. I had to stop at the bench for a bit before going down the street that turns into a mile before my house. It’s a short street but I swear it feels like a mile when walking and all you want to do is go home. There was mail at the house so I took it in. My sister has a cold so I am staying away from her and washing my hands more. I need to take a shower between now and tomorrow as tomorrow is my nephew’s birthday and we are going out. I haven’t showered all week so I stink. I was going to take one tonight but I feel too tired.

I had leftover Chinese rice for supper. While I was eating, my hands started shaking. My legs shook the other day. I thought it was because they were weak and I was straining them. I messaged my psychiatrist to see what he thinks. Next would be my neuro if it isn’t med related. I don’t see her till Aug and it is virtual so would probably need to see the NP if this is anything to be concerned about.

I kept on having weird dreams last night. I used the bathroom around 630 and managed to go back to sleep until my med alarm went off. Then my phone went off with different notifications so I couldn’t go back to sleep. I got up when the study survey came in. I had two cups of coffee but I didn’t eat anything. I need to buy my biscuits. I miss having them. My allergies are off the wall today. I sneezed so much while I was out. My sister is sick so I am staying the fuck away from her. She has stayed mostly in her room.

I am paying attention to the game so I can’t sleep just yet. My cousin and I are texting about the game. One of the newer pitchers that I like is pitching but he is losing. The Sox have done squat so far. It’s the 6^th inning. Time is running out to score runs.