midnightdemons7

The new med is making me grumpy and cranky as I need to be up in the morning and I am NOT a morning person. Team met with me soon after breakfast arrived. I was not happy. I was trying to sleep.

I had meeting with people all day today. I had a med student interview me with her professor. Then she did a Hamilton depression scale with me. I was so tired I got a headache.

My sister called at lunch time. It was good talking to her. I haven’t spoken to her all week. We just been texting but she was on her break and couldn’t text as she was driving.

During the med student interview, she asked me why I left the reasons to live blank. I said it was because I feel like it is a guilt trip. If I put my nieces and nephew, the pain i will give them should I die just makes me feel guilty.

I got approved for ketamine infusion and will start tomorrow. Fingers crossed I don’t have a bad reaction. The psychiatrist was really worried because I’ve been hearing voices since I was 5 and had psychotic things happen to me. I don’t know what time this will happen.

I need to brush my teeth as I haven’t done it since Tues. I also need a shower but I might have to do laundry as I don’t think I have clean underwear. I need to check. I haven’t read my book since I’ve been here. I’ve been too restless.

I woke up kind of groggy. Don’t know if it was from the new med or not. I still had weird dreams. I dreamt about the puppy. I came home and she went bananas. I picked her up to hold her. It was a nice dream.

I met with the attending psychiatrist. He had some questions for me about ketamine. He is on the fence because I have a psychotic depression. He is going to talk to his colleagues tomorrow afternoon and make a decision. I’ll find out Friday. My only other option would be ECT and I don’t want to have it because of memory issues. They keep saying it’s minimal and temporary but I seen someone on it on the unit and he struggles to find words. I don’t want to lose any memory function.

After a meeting with the psychologist, I tried to nap but my phone or rather my fitbit kept going off. I got a weird text message from someone and I am not calling that person back. No idea who she/he is.

No idea what I ate but my gallstones are flared up. I didn’t have anything fried or cheesy. I’ll be going to bed soon.