midnightdemons7

Shitty night sleeping

I woke up around 2 to pee. I had a difficult time going back to sleep because I had napped before I fell asleep so I was kind of awake. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I kept tossing and turning. I gave up around 230 and started reading my book. I read for an hour and then tried to sleep again and couldn’t. So I just got up. I heard my sister get up and leave the house for work. I was in pain. My chest, shoulder, and ankle/foot were hurting me. I took some pain meds.

I don’t have anything planned today. I just need to read my book. I need to be in the 300s, chapter 17. I am on chapter 12 right now. It is a lot. And it’s not easy reading, subject wise. I have to write up some notes so I can get extra credit for the class. I might do that tomorrow if I leave early.

I made an appt for bottom surgery consult. I asked my pcp for a referral. I am nervous and excited about this next part of transitioning. I want a metoidioplasty. I don’t want phallo. I think I will be happy with meta. And the surgeon is supposed to be really good.

I am so tired. I want to nap but I know it is impossible. I never really sleep during the day. I was surprised I fell asleep when I came home from my cousin’s birthday party. I did my meds and laid down afterwards and it was lights out.

I have a few appts this week. I see my therapist and on Friday I have an eye appt. I think my vision has changed. I won’t be able to afford glasses just yet. Maybe next month but as long as I have the script and the pupillary distance, I might be able to order them online. There is a new company called Pair ware or something like it and you changed the frame with clip ons. I don’t know how much transition or progressive lenses will be. I will check them out after I got my new prescription.

I feel overwhelmed with everything related to school. I want to try and rest for a few minutes before reading again. My head feels so heavy. I have been thinking about my plan for when classes end. I should know sometime in June whether I will be getting financial aid. I don’t know what I will do if I don’t get it. Just makes me sick. If you are not vaccinated against measles, please, please get vaccinated or check your titers. Another kid died in Texas where there is a huge outbreak because no one is vaccinated.

Saturday Blog 05042025

I reluctantly got up today. I wanted to sleep. My sister texted me as I was resting. I went downstairs after making a cup of coffee. We talked for a bit until the bitch came down. We have been arguing all morning. I am so sick of her shit. I finished my coffee and wanted another cup but my sister didn’t have cream so I ended up going back upstairs. I had to do my Italian and I already was getting a headache.

I did the best I could on my Italian quiz. I then sent it to a friend to see if I had done somethings correct. Nope. I kept on getting the damn auxillary verbs wrong. I felt so defeated. I changed the grading to pass/fail. Now I just got to keep a D average to pass.

I wanted to nap but I got hungry. My sister made a zucchini lasagna. I had some of that. It was really good. But it didn’t really fill me and I didn’t want the leftover Chinese food from yesterday. I ordered Burger King. I really wanted a burger.

My headache got worse so I took some Tylenol. I had already taken some ibuprofen but it is not doing anything. I want to read my book but head hurts too much. I got to take a shower tonight. I am going to try and nap first. I think a nap might help my head. I don’t know why I am sleepy as I slept pretty good last night.

What a day

I ordered groceries yesterday and I forgot how tiring it is to haul them upstairs by myself. I was supposed to have therapy this morning but my therapist was sick and canceled. Today is my mother’s passing anniversary. It has been a roller coaster of a day. I was feeling kind of okay in the morning. Then I was doing exercise by going up and down stairs for like two hours. Each time I would bring something up, I had to rest because I got out of breath. I mostly did one trip down and up so it was taking forever. I am so mad that the potatoes I bought were not good. I had to get a credit on them. They smelled awful.

My sisters went to the cemetery. I didn’t want to go because I was waiting for my delivery. I ordered Chinese food in honor of my mother. It came right as the groceries came so I didn’t eat right away. The food was still warm when I put all the perishable stuff away. Then the bitch came home and called me an addict because of how many powerade I bought. I didn’t buy any last month because I couldn’t afford them so I got plenty this time to last me. I had been drinking water but I can’t take water with my meds all the time. I hate the taste of the pills, especially the supplements.

I tried not to let her get to me but she did. I was so mad. I wish she would mind her fucking business. My cousin called right when she was bitching and I was kind of angry at him. I should have just sent it to voicemail. He is a pain in the ass sometimes.

I am so fucking tired. I tried resting or napping and neither happened. My phone blew up while I was trying to rest. I had woken up in the middle of the night. I had to pee but I refused to get up. I finally did when my med alarm went off and I had to get up for therapy but she canceled soon after I got up. It’s been a long day for me. I wanted to do my Italian but I had such brain fog I couldn’t concentrate. I still don’t know the expressions they use and how to use them. I got to take the quiz tomorrow. I was hoping my brain would clear up enough that I could work on at least the homework. I will try and do that later. I wish someone was home to help me with the groceries. It always takes me so long to do it by myself.