I am at the psych unit that I’ve been to before. I have the same doctor but different social worker, thank god. I have been hurting so much today, mostly with my right calf. Been massaging it and semi stretching it to try and get pain under control as I don’t have access to my “morphine cocktail”. My right heel is inflamed, probably because I wore the ankle brace longer than I ever have. Last night they took it away from me because they thought it was a safety issue. Today’s nurse gave it back to me as she didn’t see anything that could be dangerous. It is all one piece and no stretchable parts, except for the laces you can’t remove. My sneakers pose more of an issue. Fuckheads.

I’ve been feeling like this is a mistake. I really don’t think I need to be here but I know if I bring it up to my psych, she will say otherwise. I’ll stay a few more days and then be out next week. I honestly don’t have high hopes of anything changing.

My room is at the end of a noisy hall where the kitchen and TV/group room is. Last night I was so tired, it took a long while to settle down and even though I had taken my meds, I couldn’t sleep. Then my big toe and foot started swelling and hello pain. I got so pissed off. I talked with the nurse and I felt better afterwards, or at least sleepy enough to sleep. I woke up like 3 hrs later to the damn birds chirping. The town I am in has a lot of trees, more than my town, who likes to cut down trees and not replace them. I no longer hear birds in my neighborhood. Anyways, I somehow manage to sleep but woke up every hour. I gave up around 630 and have been up since. I tried to sleep after morning meds but only got about a 45 min nap.

Yesterday was a long day but there were two good parts of it. One of the suicidologists I know from Twitter has a study going on at the hosp ED I was in. I got enrolled and when I asked if he was the PI (principle investigator), the research assistants said yes. Holy shit. And I met him and shook his hands. I was immediately like a deer in headlights. Couldn’t think of anything to say to him.

The second part was my pcp came down to see me. Never had a pcp do that before, ever! We talked for a bit. I didn’t go into any details. I was just floored he was there. He said if I had gotten admitted to the hosp I see him at, he would visit me every day. I got lucky. He is a good guy and I am staying with him forever. Just makes me feel like someone gives a shit.

I am sure tomorrow they will talk about discharge. Always happens. But maybe not. They might get rid of me next week. I had to cancel my PT and orthotic appt. I rescheduled PT and will call the orthotic guy when I am discharged. I have an appt next week with my psych. If for some reason I am still in here, I can always reschedule with her. I got a dentist appt that day which I have no problem rescheduling! I don’t know why I have this fear of dentists because when I was a kid, I loved going. I guess it is because I had a couple bad experiences since the one good dentist I had left. The guy I see now is pretty good. He isn’t rough and doesn’t yell at you or make you uncomfortable.

I came across this picture on Twitter and thought I would share it with you all. I am drifting off to sleep so will stop here.

any thoughts?

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