2019May17 pissed off mood

I haven’t been in a good mood all day. I woke up in an awful mood and it has stayed that way all day. I’ve been having urinary problems and when I went to get my pain meds, I found out they have been on hold. WTF. This is so unacceptable. My evening nurse had asked me what going on but did not tell me my meds were on hold. Now I am waiting for her to talk to me. I am going to lose my temper.

I reluctantly talked to my mother this afternoon. She always acts concerned when I am in here and then when I am home, never asks how I am. So fucking fake. I know she doesn’t care. I told her I here for a medication change and she asked if they changed it. I said they did (they haven’t) and then she said when am I coming home. She couldn’t understand that just because they changed it, I couldn’t go home. I got so aggravated. If it was that “simple” don’t you think it could have been done as an outpatient?? Fuck, this lady has no common sense. Don’t know why she wants me home anyways other than to call me a whatever and a lazy ass. God I hate her.

I haven’t heard from my middle sister since the day I got admitted. She doesn’t keep in touch with me regularly anyways so I am not that surprised. My youngest sister has. She always does though. We text more often than my middle sister.

I didn’t sleep well last night. Every time the checks person came to my room, I woke up, which is like every half hour or so. Tonight I am not closing the door all the way. I only did it last night because it was so noisy and I was in so much pain. I had such a bad flare last night. If I don’t get my pain meds there is going to be hell on the unit. I don’t give a fuck. I didn’t come into the unit to wither in agony. I could have done that at home, like I have been doing. Only difference is at least at home, I’d have my pharmacy with me. I have no idea if they are holding them because of pending test results or not. Either case, WTF. Who’s bright idea was it to withhold a chronic pain patient’s pain meds?? Like seriously?

The social worker on the unit gave me a mood tracker thing to do for the weekend. I am supposed to do it three times a day as I told her writing in my journal might be lengthy and I don’t always write feelings down, unless I am pissed off or anxious about something specific. I will try to do it. I’m not that great at doing paperwork when I am inpatient. I just think it is a waste of time as I don’t think it is as useful as the social worker thinks it is.

There is a person who likes to play the unit’s piano and it is so annoying because there is no song just tapping the damn keys. Pissing me off.

The nurse just came in to talk to me. She said the doc ordered a med for me to take and she is not going to hold my pain meds so just given it. She did say a UTI can cause the symptoms I am having. She does not want to cath me and I don’t either. She did say that the urge to pee is a symptom of UTI’s so I may have it as I don’t have the typical symptoms of one due to the nerve damage I have. Sometimes I will have bladder spasms and pain but I don’t. We are hoping the urinalysis results come in later tonight. I just hope I don’t have to have another bladder scan. It wasn’t bad but it just is uncomfortable. What was weird I voided and few minutes later I had the urge to go again. I’ve had water, tea, and some ginger ale and haven’t peed since the scan. That was 6 hours ago. Wish I brought a diaper with me as I’ve been leaking more with this shit going on. I also haven’t had a bowel movement since Monday. I had taken a laxative but it hasn’t worked yet. Wish I brought my fiber pills. They work better than the Miralax and senna sometimes. I might take another dose of Miralax tonight.

I managed a shower today so that was a good thing. I will need to probably wash clothes this weekend as I’ve been going through underwear with the urine problems. I had brought extra because I usually leak anyway but now it is worse. Dinner will be here soon. I’m not that hungry as I’ve been snacking since lunch. For some reason I’ve been having the hungry horrors today. First time this has happened since March!

Lady Antebellum released a new song today and it is so good. Also one of the fill in DJs on my country radio station recommended an artist I never heard of. He released a new song today and I love it. Been listening to both songs on repeat. I haven’t added them to my country mix playlist yet. I usually hear music for a while then add. I love Lady A so much. Hillary Scott is such a sweetheart and is hot. She is just so damn cute. She is married and has 3 girls, 2 of which are twins.

Going to stop here. Hope this weekend goes well and I don’t flare tonight.

any thoughts?

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