2019May27 Memorial Day

Would like to say thank you to all the soldiers and sailors lost in battle. Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice.

I am not having a good day. I woke up grumpy and in much need of coffee. I had some breakfast and then got vitals and meds. My nurse wasn’t there but the cute one was. There was another nurse and she did my meds as I chatted with the cute one. She is from the south and I absolutely love her accent. The nurse doing my meds asked if I needed any PRNs and I said no, though something in my gut was telling me to take a breakthrough med as my ankle was also grumpy. I didn’t.

I charged my phone and smart watch. Came back to my room. I rested for a bit before deciding I needed a shower. I had just stepped in the shower when my ankle exploded in pain. It was a very quick shower. I quickly dried off and got dressed. Was going to wear the shorts I wore yesterday but they smelled of pee so I changed to another pair. Then I got my PRN of ativan and BT med. I didn’t care if slept all day. I am in such a bad mood, I don’t even want to talk to my check in, who is also my nurse. I only will because I have two questions for her. I am getting really nervous about getting jabbed by a nurse here for my T shot this week. I want it to be someone I trust. I am hoping this nurse is the one assigned to me so it will be her. I also don’t know if I will be able to give it or not. It is so nerve racking.

Last night, the nurse/check in I had pissed me off. I had told her how I felt and she immediately said that I was “down with negative thoughts and that I should think positive and go to groups because they will help.” I was floored. Since when does positive thinking work with severe mental illness?? Like thinking happy thoughts is a magic cure or something?! Fuck you, lady. She said she going to be here tomorrow and will get me to go to groups. Frankly, there are very few groups that appeal to me. I don’t believe in DBT, though there are aspects of it I am open to, like radical acceptance and mindfulness. Actually, I think those are the only things I like about it. The rest is bullshit to me.

I am nervous about the 3 day. I might withdraw it only because I am scared but last night I got pissed off again and want to fucking leave. I might see if I can change rooms as it is too fucking noisy in this area. I am going to talk with the charge nurse tomorrow and ask.

I wanted to go out today but damn ankle is saying fuck you to that. Besides, I really can’t keep up with the group. They just walk faster than I do.

Lunch will be here soon. I wanted to blog early today so I didn’t forget. If I am up to it later, I might write another one. I have been reading a John Grisham book that has my attention. I still have Harry Potter. I’ve only been slow in reading that because I don’t have another Potter book. I am a little more than half way done. I only stopped because I cannot stand the Umbridge character. God I wish I could do the killing curse on her. I am sure I am not alone in that.

any thoughts?

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