Long Ass Thursday

Long ass Thursday

My day started around 5 am when I had to get up to pee. I couldn’t go back to sleep so decided around 6 to make some coffee. It has become my morning routine to have a cup of coffee when I get up in the morning. Today I had to have two cups because I had PT in the afternoon which I will talk about later. I had psychotherapy at 8 which my therapist had to send me the link for because stupid website thing never registered my visit.

Therapy was frustrating. I wanted to know if the abuse my mother did to me was sexual or not and my therapist didn’t want me hung up on labels so wouldn’t tell me. I got hit with sadness while we were talking and I felt like I was going to cry. She tried to get me to talk about it but I had no words. I just wanted to feel what I was feeling with someone present. I didn’t want to cry and I knew that if I tried to talk about what was going on, I would. So I just sat there as my therapist is pleading with me to talk. I guess she felt like if I didn’t talk, I would push the feelings down and it would be harder to feel the next time I felt anything.

My therapy appointment was at 8. I tried to go back to sleep afterwards but I was up. There was no way I was going to nap. My PT appointment was in the afternoon. I ordered Chipotle because I have been craving a burrito bowl. It was good but I didn’t finish it. It was too much. I ate most of it though.

I wanted to shower but I didn’t have the energy to. After I had eaten Chipotle, I made another cup of coffee. I was getting so sleepy but I knew if I slept, I wasn’t going to PT. I had some belVita with the coffee. It goes hand in hand. If I drink coffee I have to have the belVita cookies with it. I have been keeping track of my calories and I haven’t been eating close to 1000 lately so I know I will be losing weight soon.

I struggled during PT. She had me do some balance stuff and one of them I failed. I nearly fell. Then she had me go on the machine and I was so knackered it wasn’t funny. I was just so tired. She gave me some exercises to help with the balance, nothing I haven’t had before. She was following some new protocol that they had come up with for Covid conditioning.

I came home and I didn’t do anything but sit on my bed. My legs and back were hurting me from the machine. I thought about a shower but I had no energy or motivation to do it. I had been up for almost 12 hours and I was really tired. I didn’t want to sleep because I knew I might only sleep till midnight and then be up most of the night. I took my night meds on time and then tried to stay off my phone so I would get sleepy. I had an Ensure with my meds because I didn’t have any dinner. I wanted to make a burger but that wasn’t going to happen.

I was so tired, I didn’t even tune in to the ball game. After I took my meds I laid down and it was lights out.

any thoughts?

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