sliver of hope

Sliver of hope

I had sent messages to my therapist and psychiatrist about how poorly my depression is due to the gender dysphoria. My psychiatrist responded last night and said that the place where I get my healthcare doesn’t have BMI as a requirement for top surgery. I am kind of confused as my PCP at the time said that I had to be a 30 just to be referred to the surgeon. So once the cardiac issues have been figured out, I am asking for a referral. It will be much easier to get my surgery done there than at another office. I feel better about this but am still depressed.

I didn’t get any sleep again last night. I was up in pain most of the night. My shoulder kept on waking me up every few hours. I would have to sit up and wait for the pain to go away before trying to sleep again. Then the same thing would happen a few hours later. I tried to sleep in the morning but my mother and nephew were making a lot of noise downstairs so I couldn’t really rest. I feel like shit.

I just had coffee. I was debating whether to have hot or iced coffee. I had bought a cold brew but I haven’t opened it yet. I have to be in the mood for iced coffee as I have gotten used to hot. I am so sleepy.

I have therapy tomorrow and don’t feel like going. I just feel like it is a waste of time.

any thoughts?

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