Saturday Blog 02042022

Saturday Blog 02042022

I can’t today. I have been waking up in pain since midnight with my shoulder. I had to take my BT meds to get a few hours sleep. Soon as the meds wore off, I was in pain again. I don’t know why it flared up. Then when I woke up and after I had my coffee, my CRPS flared up. Started with my big toe hurting like crazy and then spread up my foot to my ankle. It hasn’t gone up to my shin yet. I am hoping the meds cut it off before it does. My ankle felt swollen so I looked at it and boy it is. Veins are popping too so that is fun and why that area of my ankle hurts.

I have so much stuff that I wanted to get done today but pain is preventing that from happening. I was able to make a document of the lentil recipe I want to make. I bought the French green lentils for the recipe. I just need to go to Trader Joe’s and get their Dijon mustard. I also need to get some herbs.

I am so tired. I tried napping but ankle pain is too intense. I need to shower and brush my teeth. My mouth feels all ick. I hope my SNAP money comes tomorrow as I only have one bottle of Gatorade left. Pollen count is high today so my allergies are out of control. I will need to take another Allegra pill today.

Both my neuro and pcp wants me to see a pain doc to see what they can do about my pain levels and if my meds need to be adjusted. I just saw them maybe a year ago and all they did was give me Narcan and tell me not to take Ativan with my pain meds (I have taken it together, and guess what I am still alive). I think they mostly saw me as a psychiatric case as they put BPD in my diagnosis. Who does that?? It really pissed me off.

My therapist said “we’ll talk about it on Mon” when I asked her for a letter of support for top surgery. I hope this doesn’t mean she won’t do it. I will just have my psychiatrist do it as he has offered. He sent the letter when I got my hysterectomy so I figure I would ask my therapist for this one. I was going to ask my former psych but my therapist got bent out of shape when I told her. I am going to be pissed if she says no now that I am asking her for one.

The CRPS pain has spread up my leg. My lower leg bones and muscles are hurting me big time. I have no idea if I can stand. I am not even going to attempt it because my ankle is swollen. My mother called to say she made asparagus and eggs again. I am still full from the Chinese food but am feeling nauseous from the pain so don’t want to eat anything right now. This flare is the worst it has been in two years. I just took a double dose of BT meds again. I am going to have to take Miralax so I can go crap.

I am so damn tired. I keep getting stabbing pains in my ankle near the ankle bone, the malleolus. I forget if it is medial or lateral. It is the one outside so I think it is lateral. I want to shower as my head is greasy feeling. I haven’t showered since last Mon or Tues. I trimmed my beard on Wed. I just have stubble now. I really want to shave it clean off. But I won’t be able to stand too long. Not today anyways. I don’t know why I am flared up. The temps have been relatively stable the past few days, though at night the temp drops as the heat turns on and it is cold in the house. I at least trimmed my nails as they were getting long. I type better with short nails. I do need to brush my teeth. I am waiting for the stabbing pains to settle down a bit. I know that if I stand and then rest I am going to be in worse pain than I am in now. That is how the pain goes with CRPS. I am going to ask my new pcp if she would message the pain doc to see if something can be done for the pain. Going to tell her the last time I met with her she didn’t want to do a damn thing because I feel she thought I was a psych case and too much at risk. She didn’t say it but she included one of my psych diagnoses in her notes. Why would she do so if she didn’t think I was a psych case?

I am glad I took an Ativan because the pain just jumped. OMG feels like someone is trying to scoop out the malleolus bone. This pain is very bad. It has been hours now and I am glad meds are working to keep my pain levels down. I had something to eat. I brushed my teeth. Now I am going to go to bed and hopefully sleep all night. I emptied my bladder so I shouldn’t wake up again to empty it. CRPS pain is no fucking joke. My bones still hurt but not as much as they did. Thank god for my BT meds and gabapentin.

2 thoughts on “Saturday Blog 02042022

  1. I wish something could be done but it can’t. They can increase my meds but they won’t due to the stupid opioid hysteria. But I plan on dying by suicide when all is said and done. I just plan on having top surgery first. That is my 1st priority. So I will be here for at least another year or two.


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