mixed blog

Opening Day Fenway Park 2022

Today hasn’t been the day for the Sox. They are currently losing 8-4 on their Opening day at homefield. It is Fenway’s 110th Birthday. Pretty sad they are losing. They lost. 8-4 is the final score. Fucking fuck. I am not happy.

I spent the afternoon changing my bedsheets. I finally did it but man did it tire me out. My ankle and foot have just flared up and my muscles in my chest just started to hurt. I am tired of hurting. “It’s not weird, wrong, or weak to want to just feel better. When we can’t feel “better”, we’ll often settle for feeling DIFFERENT. Almost everything we do is to change how we FEEL, ESPECIALLY if we’re sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.” Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle.

I would like to feel different but my pain often doesn’t allow for it to be that way. I was in a flare last night because some lightening was shooting in the 10 mile radius from me. It has almost been two years since I felt that kind of pain.

Easter 2022

I had a good Easter. Food was good. I was a little tired as I didn’t sleep most of the night. I sent an email off about things and it got lengthy. Before I knew it, it was like 4am and I had to get off the laptop.

While I was up in the early hours of the morning, I started gathering things to put in my “survival” kit. I will go over the items tomorrow in therapy. I thought I had more stuff in my drawer but I guess I don’t. Most of my pics are on my phone so one day this week I will go through them and have them printed at the pharmacy. I don’t know if they are open tomorrow as it is a “holiday”. I got a med I got to pick up.

I did my meds for the week. When I was done, I looked at the pills for my evening meds and something was off. I then realized I was missing a pill. Glad I caught it. I filled the box with the missing pill.

I have been taking gaba nearly every night the past few nights. Pain has been intolerable and unpredictable. Making me wicked depressed. I keep thinking of ending it after top surgery. I had wrote to my friend and told her about how I wanted to go to Switzerland and death with dying. She said she couldn’t understand going that far for pain. She wants me to see the pain doc to see if she will do something for me. I have an appointment next month to see her virtually. I am nervous about this appointment because I honestly don’t think anything is going to be done other than get me frustrated and annoyed.

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