listening to Jason Aldean

Listening to Jason Aldean

I am having a rough day. I didn’t get up early enough for going to get my blood drawn. I am going to try tomorrow as I set my alarm for 0630. Fingers crossed I get up and am not up in the middle of the night again. I had such a hard time sleeping last night. I went to bed around 2230 only to wake up around 1. I emptied my bladder around 0230 and then read my phone. I had the do not disturb on but it didn’t matter. I shut it off around 4. I wrote an essay about therapy when I was up because I figured I would write. I passed it along to a few people. One person responded and said it was powerful. She also gave me a chronic suicide forum to look into. I didn’t know it existed so I thanked her.

I feel depressed. Someone created a Jason Aldean music of number one hits. It’s about an hour and half long so I am listening to it. I love Jason. His voice is 100% country and it hasn’t changed like some of the other country artists have, like Jake Owen and Dustin Lynch.

Having another cup of coffee, my second one of the day and doing so, triggered my ankle. I am in a flare now. I was in pain during the night too. My leg flared up along with my foot. I just took my breakthrough med. I keep thinking about my plan. It will work as long as I don’t puke. I am still undecided on the location of where I am going to end it.

My niece sent me a text yesterday morning and it hurt, but in a good way. She told me she loved me and how much I mean to her. That she supports me even if no one else does. I was taken aback by this and it really killed me inside because I know I will be hurting her when I die. I need to write her a note. I have to look in my packet that I made and update it.

I am tired. It is almost game time. Last night the Sox won. It was a fun game. Hope I will be able to stay up for it. All I want to do is sleep. But I know if I try and sleep now, I will most likely be up all night again and then I won’t want to get up at 630 to get my blood work done.