bullshit day

Bullshit day

I have been up most of the day. I didn’t sleep well. I kept having to go to the bathroom. The two hour thing is really sticking to me so I am getting no rest. I was up around 8 and texted my therapist as she wanted me to check in. Then she pissed me off by saying to check in again at 6. I was like why and she was like cause you still have the key. Fuck. Fine. Whatever. I know tomorrow is going to be a bad day with her when we meet.

I then had uro appointment. He was 20 minutes late and didn’t apologize for it. We talked for about 10 minutes. I told him I was having bladder pain and he said treatment is botox. I said I didn’t want that so then he was like amitriptyline. I said no because I don’t like the side effects. He then said ok and put me on duloxetine and that was the end of the appointment. I had objected saying I was already on an SSRI/NRI but he didn’t listen saying it was ok because it was a “low dose”. I sent a message to my psychiatrist anyways. Fuck him. I hate him so much. I wish there was someone else I could see. I didn’t even ask him about the estrogen. He didn’t give me time to talk. I was so damn mad.

I had dinner after my appointment. I didn’t have lunch. I wasn’t hungry. I might have a bowl of cereal later as I wasn’t filled up by the burger.

My mood sucks right now. I had sent a message to the group leader of the pain group saying that one of the members had triggered me and caused me to spiral out of control yesterday. Hence why I have the key to my lethal means. He offered to talk to me if that would be helpful. I tried replying to the message but the website wasn’t made for mobile phones so the print was small. I got annoyed and will respond on my laptop.

I want to get a haircut this week. But I feel so lazy. I don’t want to do anything. I know that is because of the depression. I have been bad about not doing the safety planning. I just go to text my therapist rather than do the things on it. I just get so anxious I can’t think about anything else.

Psychiatrist just responded to my message. Duloxetine is in the same class as Pristiq so I would have to taper off it. I don’t wish to do that. I asked my psychiatrist to get in touch with uro and tell him this as he was not listening to me. After I responded to the message I took an Ativan. I am too stressed to deal with this.

3 thoughts on “bullshit day

  1. They really don’t listen to patients. They used to at least fake it and pretend to hear us. Sorry you are dealing with so much suckage. Healthcare professionals and support groups should not be triggers.

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