Happy New Year 2023

Happy New Year 2023

Hello readers, Happy New Year to you all. I hope you find this blog helpful and enjoy reading my daily struggles with depression and being trans as well as occasionally being suicidal and how I deal with it.

I have been up the past hour. I woke up to pee around 0230 and had trouble getting back to sleep. I stayed up for a couple of hours, maybe more. I got chest pain in my pec muscle. It really bothered me so I stopped coloring and then went back to bed. The pain is still in my muscle as we speak. I am going to put some heat on it in a little bit to see if that helps at all.

I have been doing the knee to chest exercise my PT wants me to do. I am having trouble with my left leg. Every time I pull my knee up, my thigh hurts really bad. This has never happened before so I don’t know what to do. I thought it was just because I haven’t moved my leg in so long with being in the hospital but now I am wondering if there is something else going on.

I had coffee before I took my meds. I had gone downstairs to pee and needed coffee. I have to brush my teeth as I didn’t do it yesterday. Past two weeks I seem to brush every other day. I can’t seem to get myself to do it every day for some reason. It really bothers me because I know I have more than a few cavities and I don’t want them to get worse. I got to call tomorrow to have them filled as one of my tooth is broken and keeps getting food stuck in it.

My brother in law is supposed to take my AC out of the window today. I hope it happens so that I can start working on the other side of the room to access my closet. I really need to get my button down shirts ready for my surgery. I bought some hangers that go down so I can hang them up behind my door. They haven’t come in yet. They were supposed to come in the other day but I haven’t gotten the message it has been delivered.

I need to take a shower today. I think I might take it this morning. I sweat a lot last night as my shirt was wet when I woke up this morning. I hope that when the AC is out of the window, I can open the window a bit and let some fresh air in the room. I hope that helps with the temp as my room gets really hot. Weather has been really warm for winter.

I got a lot of appointments this week. Tomorrow I have PT, Wed is therapy, and Thurs I see my psychiatrist in person for the first time since the pandemic began. I guess the new rules for controlled substances is that you have to be seen in person at least once a year. It can’t be done all virtually. I just hope he trusts me enough to give me a month supply of medication now rather than two weeks. I priced one of my meds in the early morning and it is $80 for a 30 day and 90 day script. There is no way I can afford a two week supply with that kind of co-pay. I just hope he can understand this. I know my depression is bad but I am not suicidal. Because I am not eating right, I lost four pounds. I will take it as I am eager to lose weight this year before my surgery. I would like to lose twenty-five pounds over the next few months.

I have my eye appointment in a couple of weeks. I really need to have the exam because when I am reading the right side of the page is blurry. I know it is because of my right eye is weak but even with my glasses things are blurry. I don’t know why this is. It’s only been a year since my last exam. I lost my transition lenses so I need to replace them but I don’t have a current prescription. I am going to try and use an old frame that I have for it. I hope they will be able to do it.

any thoughts?

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