Errands and therapy
I had therapy today. I woke up and didn’t want to. I had another difficult night sleeping. I woke up around 0030 and it was hard getting back to sleep. I forced myself to get out of bed around 1000, an hour before therapy so I could have some coffee. I ran out of cream so I was only able to have one cup of coffee.
Therapy was good. For the first time in a long time, I was talking when time ran out. I hate when that happens. We talked about my mother and self-care. I told her I wasn’t good at showering because of the depression. I can go a week to more without a shower. I have a hate relationship with the shower. It tires me out so I hate taking one.
After therapy I went to the Square to get my prescriptions and do a few errands. I wanted to go to the butcher shop to get some chicken for tonight but my niece said there is chicken marinating that my sister made. So I just went to the grocery store to get half and half and milk. I didn’t realize how fucking heavy the bag would become by the time I came home. I also got some Starbucks which made the bag heavier for some reason. It was difficult managing two cups and a heavy bag. I should have taken a cab home. I wish I brought my voucher with me. Now I just want to take a damn nap.
I talked briefly about my surgery with my therapist. I thought about canceling with my mother’s diagnosis but I can’t do that. I feel like I will regret it if I postpone it.
My back is cramping big time. I can’t rest or lie down. It makes it worse. I just had something to eat and I am drinking Powerade. I wanted to get something at Starbucks but I forgot to order food. I will next time I am in the area. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I plan on doing that before bed. If I accomplish this, it will be a good day.
I got the beta blocker for my heart today and took it when I got home. I hope now my heart rate will be regulated better and I won’t go into tachycardia when going up the stairs or on exertion. I hope it works for me. I just put my recycle in a bag to be tossed. I need to clear my bed so I can change the sheets. I don’t have the energy to do it today. Maybe tomorrow or Saturday. I am getting my groceries delivered tomorrow. I am almost out of Powerade.
I have been listening to the last four Taylor Swift albums (Midnights not included). I am addicted to her music. I love Red TV. I have listened to that album so many times. It was all I listened to while I was in the hospital. I must have listened to All Too Well (10 min version) on repeat I don’t know how many times. Such a good song.