it ain’t pretty

It ain’t pretty

I am listening to Martina McBride today to switch things up. I just came back from PT and even though I knew I had to pick up my prescription, I left my money at home so I couldn’t get them. Dammit. I will have to go out tomorrow after therapy. PT went good. We did some cardio and my heart didn’t go into tachycardia and I didn’t get too short of breath. Progress. I have to make some more appointments as I have just one left.

My aunts and uncle came over the house today. I got misgendered twice. I had to leave. I was wicked early for PT but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to be around the transphobia again today. I just can’t deal.

I was up early as my sister got me up to take care of my mother at like 0730. I had a restless night as I woke up around midnight to pee and had a hard time settling down. I kept tossing and turning. My mother was in pain this morning as she was moaning. It was difficult to bear because there was nothing I could do for her.

I am trying to stay awake as I don’t want a repeat of last night. It is so hard because I am so tired. I just want to nap. I have been sneaking a snooze here and there but I can’t allow myself to fall asleep. I wish I wasn’t so bloody tired all the time.

I need to get my prescriptions tomorrow. I will get them after therapy tomorrow. I might go to Starbucks for a mocha in the afternoon. It was fairly warm today. I was hot with my fleece sweater. I was dressed much too warm for this weather. I am glad most of the snow is gone. I didn’t think it would stick around after a few days. I have my ceiling fan back on as it is warm in my room. That was the other reason I couldn’t get comfortable last night to sleep was because it was too warm in my room. I slept with just the sheet most of the night but even that was too warm. I hate being warm. I even have the window open.

Baseballism…Everybody deserves a second chance, but not a fourth strike. I love this quote. It sums up my mother’s relationship so much. I have given her so many chances and she never quite lived up to them. It has been one disappointment after another. Her trying to accept me as trans has been the most trying. I have decided that I don’t care anymore. She gets two chances each day to use the proper pronouns and then I walk away until the next day. It is the only way I can think of to live with her. She does accept corrections so I have that going for me.

My eyeglass frame decided to break one of the ear pieces off today. I don’t know what happened but it became loose and then when I took them off just now, the whole thing came off. I got a piece of tape securing it to the frame. I wasn’t looking to get new glasses this year, well, just buying transition lenses only but now I will have to buy another pair as a spare. Fuck. This isn’t in my budget. I will have to save another couple hundred in order to get this spare pair.

any thoughts?

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