Anti hero

I have been listening to Taylor Swift’s new song Anti-Hero for the past day or so. It is stuck in my brain. I love the lyrics and melody. I have quite a few favorites on the Midnights album. It is a good album.

I have my pdoc appointment today. I need a refill on my Ativan. I just filled the Effexor and will get it tomorrow when I am out. Just hope I remember after PT to catch the right bus. I just hope the snow is somewhat gone at the bus stop. Sometimes they don’t shovel the stop and you have to go into the street to catch the bus. Sucks.

I don’t know what my problem is today but I have been sneezing since I got up this morning. I must have sneezed twenty time already if not more. Ugh. I need to take a shower as I have been sweating a lot so I stink. I will take the shower after my appointment.

I just had a bowel accident, the first since being home from the hospital. I coughed and crap came out, all loose stool. It was a mess. I definitely will need a shower today. I feel so awful about it. Least it didn’t leak to the bed though, that is my saving grace.

I haven’t worked on my book in a couple of weeks. I don’t know what to write really. I figure I will write more after my surgery in March. I cannot wait for this to happen. I will finally be free and flat chested again. I often think about the recovery and though it maybe painful, it will be worth it.

I took a shower and it exhausted me. I am more tired now than I was before I showered. I don’t know why sometimes I can shower it not affect me and other times it does. I do the same thing every time. So weird. My appointment with my pdoc went well. We talked about the care my mother needs right now. It is getting exhausting for us as she is up during the night and needs to make sure she is ok while she goes to the bathroom and remembers to put her oxygen on herself, which she is bad at doing. Her oxygen drops while she sleeps so she needs to wear the canula. We also talked about how the Effexor is helping but not that much. I am having major anxiety with my heart rate being so wild. It goes to over 130 bpm and it causes me so much discomfort. My PCP got back to me today about it after talking to my pdoc and they are going to put me on a beta blocker. I will need to get this tomorrow when I go out. I just hope I remember and take the bus to the Square rather than home after PT.

I need to put in my grocery order as I am running low on my Powerade and Gatorade. I also want turkey bacon. I haven’t made a turkey bacon sandwich in a really long time. I got to place the order for Friday as I am busy the next two days with appointments. Tomorrow is PT and Thurs is therapy.

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