Therapy and a slight scare

Therapy and a slight scare

I woke up early, like 6am early. I had to pee and I just decided to stay up. I had a cup of coffee around 830 and then went to my room to set up zoom for advising. I had to register with my google email through my UMB email. It was so stupid. I finally got it going and logged on. I met a new professor in the psych department. She cleared my hold and I canceled the other person’s advising appointment.

I then had therapy. It went okay. I talked about my anxieties and sadness. I told her it has been a few weeks now that I have been feeling sad and she said it was ok to feel that way. That my feelings, whatever they were, were valid. I just wasn’t to act on them.

My cousins and aunts came over around the same time. We had lunch on them. It was a good outing though I was in a kind of stupor. I was sitting next to the drama aunt and had to listen to all the fricken stories all over again. My niece made fun of me but I didn’t care. I really just wanted to be in my room and try and nap. I was so damn tired but I already had like three cups of coffee and didn’t want to have anymore for fear of getting anxious. Around 1330, I received a call from the surgeon’s office saying that they needed more imaging done on my breast and could I come in at 1500. I said yes. I quickly got dressed as I wanted to leave around 2 so I could be there. I said my goodbyes and left.

I was worried about this so when I got to the bus stop, I looked in my chart and there was the mammogram report, finally. It said there was a mass in my left breast and needed more imaging. I was freaking out. I had no idea if this would delay my surgery or not. I didn’t know if this was malignant or not. I didn’t tell anyone but my online friends. My sisters had enough to worry about with my mother. I had the imaging done and it turned out to be lymph nodes. I guess mine had formed a mass in my breast. Well bye bye. Surgeon’s office called while I was on the train home and after I said it was okay, she said my time had been moved to the afternoon. I now didn’t have to be at the hospital till 1100 for a 1300 case, which means I won’t be home till 8 pm or later.

When I got to the Square, I picked up my prescriptions. I was really starting to get tired. I still need to shower but I think I will do that tomorrow morning. I also have to shave. I hope that I don’t fucking wake up in the middle of the night again. I need to sleep. I hope my nerves don’t keep me up tonight. I can’t have anything to eat or drink after 10pm. Not having my morning coffee is going to be rough.

any thoughts?

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