dissociation and grief

Dissociation and grief

I had sent a message to my psychiatrist the other night asking if I was becoming catatonic and he said that it sounds more like dissociation and grief. So that is fun. I guess I am dissociating more lately to avoid feeling immensely sad. I have been up since 7 after falling asleep at 530. I was up half the night. I woke up to pee and then had a sneeze attack that woke me up. I read a couple of chapters of my book and wrote in my journal.

Today while putting antibiotic ointment on my nipples, some of the scabs came off. It is healing. I don’t know if I will have true nipples or just the appearance of them. I don’t think they are going to have much feeling like they did when I had breasts. The left has more feeling than the right, but it is mostly nerve pain. I have been taking gabapentin for it because it just bothers me so much. I mostly try to take it in the late afternoon or early evening so that it works by bedtime.

Last night, my foot hurt really bad. The CRPS pain was awful. I took some pain meds that I had to help it and it did work. I have a busy week with appointments every day except Friday. I have to see the dentist as one of my back teeth broke. I think it might have to be pulled. I know my baby tooth needs to be pulled because it broke. I just haven’t been to the dentist. I am actually seeing a new dentist because my dentist moved offices and it is tough to get to by public transportation. It is also a long walk from public transportation. I am also seeing my endocrinologist this week. I haven’t seen her in months. I hope she doesn’t bring up my hospitalization. I also hope my T level is close to what it was before being in the hospital. I was supposed to have it done last week but I wasn’t able to go because I had things to do after my mother died. I will get it done next week as this week is T dose week. I have therapy tomorrow and pdoc appointment Thurs. I just hope that on Monday and Wed that I can see the nurse around my appointments.

I am going to try and shower tomorrow before the nurse comes. I haven’t showered in a week. I wanted to shower yesterday but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. It was way too early for me. I like showering in the afternoon and the nurse came in the morning. I wasn’t fully awake yet. It’s so hard to wake up in the mornings before 10a. Today was unusual as I was up around 7. I am tired now. I read some of my book. I think I am going to try and finish it today now that the game is over. They won 2-1. It was a good game.

any thoughts?

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