lunch with my aunt

Lunch with my aunt

I got up early so I could have some coffee before my aunt picked me up for lunch. We went to one restaurant that is a family favorite but they weren’t open yet so we went to another place. I had steak and turf. It was ok. The steak was fatty so I didn’t really enjoy it. The shrimp was good though. My aunt had pasta with shrimp. She liked it. Afterwards she took me to stop and shop so I could get a few things. I just came home and I was tired. I woke up again around 2-230 and stayed up for a couple of hours before going back to sleep.

I am feeling ok. Last night I watched the country music awards. It was a good show. I was so happy I was crying. It was so good seeing the artists that I only knew on the radio. Lainey Wilson and Ashley McBride along with Jason Aldean are albums I need to get when I get paid next. Ashley performed a song called Bonfire at Tina’s and omg it was awesome seeing it live. My favorite song from Cole Swindell won. It is based on a Jo Dee Messina song that I love. I was so damn happy he won two awards for the song.

It is wicked warm in my room so I have my T shirt off and I am just wearing the stupid binder. No one has responded to my message about it yet. I hate wearing it. I had a hard time getting comfortable last night to sleep. It took a while to get to sleep. The award show was over around 2200. I checked my Twitter and stuff before turning in but I still had a hard time sleeping. Luckily my foot wasn’t bothering me like it was the other night. I finally have PT for it. I probably will have an appointment Monday.

I need to go to the Square to pick up my meds. I think I will do that tomorrow. I am kind of tired and don’t feel like going out again. My nephew sent a pic of my mother where she actually smiled for the camera. I wish I could hug her one more time. I still have the memories of her abusing me. I wish I could tell her how I felt then that I was a boy when she started to “exam” my breasts when one was bigger than the other. She still took me to the doctors and I had to see a surgeon. At age 13. I wanted the damn things off not reduced. But I stayed quiet. No one asked how I felt about being a girl. I think I would have been happier had someone asked and then I could have transitioned sooner than at age 42. Now that I am transitioned at 47, I can’t share this with her.

It’s going to be a difficult weekend. Just hope I make it through ok.

any thoughts?

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