Author: Midnight Demon

Take everything from the inside

I slept in really late. I went to bed kind of late. I couldn’t sleep after the time being out and I read for a bit. My foot acted up and I took some gaba. It is hot today. My room is in the 80s and I just turned the AC on. Someone posted a pic of Linkin Park so I had to play the Meteora album. It is my top favorite of LP.

I am kind of in a depressed mood. My niece texted me that she was over the house when I just got up. I was having my first cup of coffee. I went downstairs and my sister had made some food. I had some and then had to go upstairs because her kitchen was so hot. I came upstairs and my room was hotter. It was 82/27 degrees and I put on the AC. It is 88/31 degrees outside. Right now the temp in my room is 78 so it is getting there. I get grumpy in the heat. But I don’t know why I feel so depressed. Nothing happened. I miss my mother so maybe some of it is grief. My sister is cleaning the bathroom and doing it slowly. Pisses  me off because it takes her all fucking day. I think I am going to take a shower at my sister’s on the 1^st floor. Our shower is dismantled right now. I fricken stink and I don’t like it.

Last night I was trying to read Moby Dick. I had plugged in my Kindle but I didn’t realize the charger wasn’t in the wall until I went to use it. I wondered why it didn’t charge and I thought maybe it just died but it was because the charger wasn’t in the wall, thank god. My kindle is old. I bought it in 2016, I think. I keep getting messages from Amazon about the newer Kindles they have but I am happy with mine. I only use it for book reading. I looked up how many chapters there were in Moby Dick and there are 135. I am on chapter 28. I was on 25 but it was such a short chapter, I decided to read a couple more. They are short chapters, which I like. It is easy, mindless reading.

I got a message from my local library that will be buying my book!! I send a message asking them if a local author can do an event to spread word on my book. I also emailed the Boston public library the same thing. I am hoping as I am a former student of East Boston High it will give me some weight.

I’m wearing a hat, my favorite Sox hat. I just felt like wearing one indoors. I usually don’t because I get hot but I just felt like covering my head today. It has a day’s growth of hair. I am tempted to use my electric shaver to get it off but I don’t know if that will create hair dust. I need to do my meds shortly for the week. I am so tired and just want to go back to bed. Sox are winning so far. They lost their last two games with San Diego. They were complete blow outs. I was not happy. I told my pdoc they are unreliable. I had one game where they came back to win and I was high for the night. Then they lost the next few games. They had a brief streak going but now it is a losing streak. Though with a win today, it will break it up.

Saturday Blog 29062024

I woke up around 1am last night. It took me a long while to get back to sleep. I finished No Right To An Honest Living. It was so well written but highlighted how racism is still prevalent in Boston since before Civil War times. The earned low wages just like they do today and if a white establishment hired Black people, it diminished business. The people often moved from job to job. No one had anything close to job security. Even doctors and lawyers had a hard time staying afloat because the people couldn’t pay the fees. It is really sad. And here it is almost 300 years later and discrimination still exists.

I wanted to go to return the library book today and pick up my remaining meds but I didn’t get up early enough. I just wanted to sleep. We celebrated my nephew today. Yesterday he turned thirty. I just got home and even though I didn’t do anything strenuous, I am exhausted from being out. We walked to the restaurant from my nephew’s place and it took its toll on me. I couldn’t walk back so rode with my aunt and sister. It was a nice outing even though I am exhausted.

I got a message response from my pdoc. It pissed me off because he didn’t offer much and then said “we’ll talk at our next appointment”. Bullshit. Never in all my time being a patient did we talk about things at the next appointment. I am so frustrated. He said that things might improve once I have a therapist again. Well, that isn’t going to be until sometime in Sept so what am I going to do until then?? Fuck.

I shaved my head and brushed my teeth. I wanted to shower but my sister took the curtain down and I didn’t feel like going to the 1^st floor. I went out stinky and didn’t care. I am tired and I think I am going to read Moby Dick for a little while and then go to bed. I wanted to read something else last night but I have Moby on my kindle and it needed to be charged as it died. Starting July 1^st I am going to read principles of psychology. It is a heavy book that will probably take me all summer to read.

A new page and other stuff

I created a page for my new book. https://midnightdemon.com/dont-call-me-daughter-out-now/

Hope you get to visit it.

Yesterday when my groceries came, on the first trip up the stairs, I tripped. I hurt my sprained ankle and elbow. I sent a message to my pcp about the sprain as it has been two months and they put in a referral for PT. I also asked them about the sleep specialist and they put in a referral for that too. I don’t know how long it will be for appointments. PT will probably be in the next few weeks.

My brother in law called me this morning as my sister is sick with a migraine. I went down to see her. She was lying down and could barely talk. She was not feeling well. She had been vomiting and was nauseous. She also felt dizzy. I hate when a migraine hits like that.

I went back to my room after I had a couple cups of coffee and some oatmeal. I crashed. I laid down for about three hours. I was supposed to go pick up my blood pressure meds but I never went. I tried to get them delivered but the stupid app isn’t giving me that option. I know I have enough meds to get me through another week. I can pick them up on Mon.

Today is my nephew’s birthday. We will be celebrating tomorrow. I can’t believe he is 30. He is still my little guy. I don’t care that he is taller than me.

Frustrating day

I woke up earlier than I wanted to. I was up when my sister got up, which can be a bad thing some days. I took my meds and then had coffee. My sister didn’t leave for work until around 930. I was working on my second cup by then. I checked the amazon package that was delivered and it was my biscuits. I was already halfway done with my second cup so I didn’t have them. I wanted them though. I figure I would have them with my next cup.

I went upstairs and logged on my laptop. It wouldn’t connect to the internet. It kept bringing up a page but wouldn’t connect. I restarted and still had the same problem so I called. Apparently, my account was overdue and shut me off. Rude. I just sent them a payment yesterday but it hasn’t been recorded yet. They restored my services. They asked when I would be able to pay the next bill and I said the 24^th. I only wanted to see if I had any new sales on my book so I logged on with my hotspot on my laptop as it was going to take an hour for my services to be restored. I tried two different apps to have my account but because I am not FIOS or a Verizon wireless customer, I can’t log in with my account. Fucking fuck. So I created an account for nothing.

I made lunch as I was hungry. I didn’t have breakfast. I ordered my groceries and it was still early enough to have them delivered same day. They will be coming in about an hour from now. I figure I try and blog before it arrives. I made a bacon sandwich and I was topless. I didn’t think about this until the pan started splattering. OOPS. Luckily, it was just my arms that got splatter. The sandwich was good but I really wanted turkey bacon. I went to two stores and they didn’t have it yesterday. So I was stuck with regular bacon. It was still good but messy. It is hot in my kitchen so I don’t know if I will have bacon fat congealed or not. I am trying to save my energy for going up and down the stairs when my delivery comes. I was really tired after I cooked. I had to rest for a few. I kept on getting notifications on my phone but they weren’t from Peapod. I had difficulty with that app too. It wouldn’t give me the order status after it sent me the pdf of my order. I had no idea what time my delivery would be expected within the window I picked. It didn’t load until after 3pm. I was annoyed because I had to change my password, again. Then, because I had changed the password and then logged in with my phone browser, it wouldn’t let me connect with the app because I was “already logged in on another device”. UGH.

Sox game last night got suspended because of the weather. I thought they would play today but they aren’t. I keep thinking today is the 26^th and it isn’t. It is AUG 26^th when the game will resume. I was confused. I also was disappointed there is no game today. I texted my DMH worker about my mood and sent a message to my psychiatrist. The DMH worker told me to contact some service if I need to connect with someone over the weekend. It’s the same service as the therapy place gave me. I am not in crisis but I just feel so low and I hope I am not going downhill. I always worry when things are ok for too long. My mood has been dipping around 530pm every night for at least two weeks. Yesterday it was so hard to write and read.