Author: Midnight Demon

Kept you like an oath

I had a bad dream about my mother and woke up earlier than I wanted to. In a way, that kind of worked out for me as I was able to have a cup of coffee before leaving the house. My sister commandeered the kitchen so I was only able to have one cup. She was so “nice” to me this morning by calling me lazy because I didn’t use soap to rinse out my mug. That is how my morning started.

I wanted to leave the house around 1030 but the bus was coming and there was no way I could be at the bus stop in 6 mins so I had to wait 40 mins for the next bus, which meant leaving the house around 1130. I got to Starbucks around 1215 as I had to stop at the library and pharmacy. I returned the book I borrowed. After I had my breakfast wrap, I started reading Principles of Psychology. It is a very thick book. It took me almost an hour to finish the first chapter, which was pretty long and some parts I didn’t quite understand. By the time I was finished, it was time for me to leave to go to the hospital for my appointment.

I think I do have another UTI as my UA showed signs. My results are back but I can’t access them as the server is having issues. The NP was really happy my bladder is back to normal functioning. She prescribed me estrogen cream for my UTI symptoms. It was ready before I left the office. I see her in a year as long as I don’t have any issues that I need her for.

I checked the price of the cream and it is out of my budget right now so I will have to get it my next pay period. After my appointment I just stayed at one section of the building which was close to the train station. I was waiting for my friend as we had plans for dinner. She was bringing her kids. I haven’t seen them in so long. It was a good outing. I miss them so much. Dinner was good. We went to our favorite Thai place and I got pad Thai and then drunken chicken for tomorrow.

I should have used the bathroom before leaving the restaurant and I didn’t. By the time I got to my stop on the train, I had to go and I just made it to the bathroom home. I had to use my sister’s bathroom because it was closest. OMG I am so glad that bathroom saved me from wet pants. I leaked a little but damn it, I had trouble getting my pants down. Damn button on my pants and belt, man WTF. My sprained foot is wicked sore and my sister has my bottle of ibuprofen. I took some Excedrin because it has aspirin in it. I should just have plain aspirin but Tylenol won’t hurt. I walked a lot today. My foot flared up soon as I left the library so I have been dealing with it all afternoon and evening.

I am listening to my playlist of new Taylor albums. 165 songs. I love it and I don’t think there is a song I don’t like. I honestly don’t know how she picks her songs for her concerts. I would have a hard time choosing.

Still in a grumpy mood

I have been dealing with UTI symptoms the past few days and today is bad. I have frequent urination and pain. I took some pyridium to ease the pain. I finally have some relief. I took a shower and shaved. I also brushed my teeth. I haven’t eaten anything yet, other than my biscuits with my coffee. I wanted to make pasta salad but someone seems to have used the pasta I had gotten from my sister. I forgot to get pasta on my grocery order. I didn’t think about it until the next day.

I realized this morning I forgot to pay my insurance for the month and I don’t have the money to pay it right now. Ugh. I hope I don’t get canceled. They are on a new system this year and I have to go on the website to pay my bill rather than send them a check. This is the first time I forgot. I just worry because my meds might end up being messed up because of this more than my health care. I have an appointment tomorrow and hope I still have insurance.

I don’t really feel like cooking. I might make a bologna sandwich. I really want a gordita but I can’t be spending money on take out. I made plans with my friend for tomorrow night so I need money for that. I am still waiting for amazon to put through my book order. I should be getting my books sometime over the weekend I hope. I found a box of penne and made some pasta salad. I made too much pasta so I will have some for tomorrow. I am tired now. I drank a big glass of iced tea.

I want to see the Celine Dion documentary on Prime. It looks really good and I love her so much. I think I will cry though. She has been through so much.

Grumpy day

I woke up in a grumpy mood. I woke up later than I wanted to. By that time, there were some storms in the area and I didn’t want to leave the house.  I will try tomorrow to get my meds and return my book. I feel so depressed and miserable. Nothing has really happened but I just feel out of sorts.

My book is getting some attention. I reached out to the local library and they are looking into having an event and ordering my book. I also sent a message to my hometown library asking if I could have an event there. I haven’t heard back yet.

I got a thing from UMB saying the bills will be rolling out soon. I still haven’t received a financial aid package yet. I am waiting to see if I get one. They forwarded my email to another person in the department.

Today I was supposed to meet up with a friend but she canceled on me. I think we will be going out on Wed night. I will be in Boston so we can go to my favorite Thai food place. Her birthday is today and I wished her a happy birthday. I think her son will be joining us for dinner. I haven’t seen him in more than a year. I miss hanging out with her but she lives south of Boston so it is hard to have a get together.

I reached out to my pcp about my mood. I haven’t heard back yet. I think I might have another UTI as I have had frequent urination today and pain when peeing. I also have leaked a few times. I need to shower but I don’t have the damn energy. I just want to lay down and don’t do anything. I am in such a bad mood. I think I am going to have Ben and Jerry’s for supper again. I think I will have Cherry Garcia. I will save my brownie chocolate batter for when I really need chocolate. It is hot in the house so I can’t stay in the kitchen long. I had oatmeal for lunch. It was good until I got a nut stuck in my tooth. I managed to brush it out while I brushed my teeth. I didn’t brush my teeth yesterday because the bathroom was in disarray most of the day. It’s finally back together again.

I can’t believe it’s July 1^st already. I know I said I would start Principles of Psychology but I am not in a reading mood right now. I just want to fucking sleep. I feel so damn miserable. I miss my mother. I hate that she isn’t here. Fuck. I hate not having a therapist. It keeps me grounded and right now I feel like I am just winging things. I am trying to avoid going to psych emergency, either in the hospital or at the community center. They have walk-in services but I don’t really know what I am doing other than reaching out. I feel fearful most of the time that I am going to end up back in the hospital. I hope it doesn’t happen.